


The Gruffalo

by Orangepenguin24



Category: Chicago Fire
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:42:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 31,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24226033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Orangepenguin24/pseuds/Orangepenguin24
Summary: During dark days when Matt feels like he’s spiralling out of control and all the light and warmth has vanished from the world Sylvie grounds him. She makes him feel alive and makes the world feel vibrant, she makes the world worth living in despite all the pain.But Matt can never act on his love for Brett, he can’t betray Hallie. She lost her life because Matt couldn’t save her, why should he get to fall in  love again when Hallie will never take another breath.
Relationships: Sylvie Brett/Matthew Casey
Comments: 83
Kudos: 110





	1. Alone

**Author's Note:**

> I’ve changed a few things.  
> Hallie didn’t die in a fire she had a terminal illness.  
> This is set around season seven.
> 
> I’ll try my best but this probably won’t be updated as regularly as my other stories. This is completely different from them. I needed to take a break to make sure I don’t rush them. 
> 
> Disclaimer- I don’t own Chicago fire or the book the Gruffalo by Julia Donaldson
> 
> I’ve never written a fic with a relationship in before so please bare with me. Any criticism welcome.  
> Hope you enjoy.

Brett’s heart was beating rapidly as she hovered nervously by the ambulance, fifty one were attending a vicious house fire. So far only one victim had been rescued from the burning building, a middle aged father who had been frantically trying to save his daughter. He had refused to leave the house without her, it took both Kelly and Cruz to drag the man out of the building. Now Truck 81 and squad were anxiously waiting outside the building, the cold harsh air bit at their skin and worry gnawed at Kelly. Matt was still desperately searching for the man’s daughter , Boden had ordered everyone to leave but Casey had refused, believing he could save the girl. The smoke was turning darker by the second, all eyes were focused on the house when a loud shrieking noise sliced through the air, everyone immediately turned to the source of the sound, a young girl about fifteen.  
“That’s my house!”screamed the girl as she ran towards the house, Foster had been examining the man they saved from the fire when he lept up and ran towards the distressed girl.  
“Mary, you’re ok” gasped the father,  
“I’m sorry dad , I snuck out . I’m sorry” sobbed the girl as she clung to her father. Boden felt a wave of fear hit him as he glanced towards the building burning, Casey was still inside searching for someone he’d never find.  
“Matt she’s not there, we’ve got the girl” informed Boden over the radio. Matt felt relief roll over him at the Chief’s words , he scrambled out of the room he was searching and headed for the stairs, his limbs felt heavy and his head was aching. He reached the bottom of the stairs when he hear a loud unnerving creak, the last step collapsed throwing him to the floor. Matt’s entire body was engulfed in pain and his mind felt foggy, then he saw a glimmer of hope, the front door, sluggishly he pushed himself up and ran unsteadily as fast as his battered body would allow him. Sunlight finally hit Matt’s eyes and he continued stumbling until someone grabbed his arm.  
“Casey calm down, you’re ok, everyone’s ok” Informed Severide placing his hands on Matt’s shoulders forcing the blonde to look into his eyes. Casey’s own eyes were frantically darting around as he checked all of his crew had made it out, his breathing was speeding up and Kelly could feel the younger man shaking.  
“Everyone’s ok” repeated Severide in a steady voice, Matt have a small nod of understanding.  
“Are you alright?” Severide asked checking Matt for any signs of injuries.  
“Mmm fine” rasped Casey weakly shrugging off Kelly’s grip on him.  
“Matthew Casey you are not fine , let me check you over” ordered Brett as she approached the tired firefighter,  
“Brett I-“  
“Don’t argue with me captain” warned Brett as she steered Casey into the back of the ambulance with Kelly’s help, as she removed Matt’s turn out jacket and pulled up his shirt she noticed something.Brett realised she’d never seen him without his t-shirt before, after all Matt valued privacy in every aspect of his life. Brett didn’t know Casey as well as she wanted too, every time she felt like she’d finally begun to meet the real Matt something happened which reminded her that she was just kidding herself, there were a lot of things she didn’t know about the Captain. Marking the patch of skin above his heart was a colourful tattoo of what appeared to be a cartoon monster , Brett didn’t know anything about tattoos but she would say it was at least a few years old. She gave him a small amused smile but Matt looked away. He liked Brett she was smart , bubbly and brightened up every room she entered but Matt didn’t want to explain the tattoo yet. The sky had turned grey and the cool Chicago air was nipping at his skin , his body ached and he felt like he could sleep for days , the story of his tattoo deserved to be told on a good day in the warmth of the firehouse or sat on a bench looking out across a vibrant green park, now was not the time. Sensing Matt’s discomfort Brett turned her attention away from the tattoo and focused on checking the blonde firefighter over , he was fine apart from being exhausted.

-

Brett was walking towards the bunk room, it was late at night and she and Emily had returned from a call , Foster had already run off to the bunk room but Brett had stopped to quickly check over some paperwork.It had been a few weeks since Brett had discovered Matt’s tattoo, she had been tempted to ask Cruz , Otis or even Severide about the tattoo but it felt like an invasion of privacy. Matt’s pained expression when she discovered it’s existence told her it wasn’t some drunken mistake, it was a lot more meaningful than that. She was passing Casey’s office when she heard sobbing coming from the office. Gently she knocked on the door trying to ignore the knot forming in her stomach, she’d never heard Casey cry before; the Captain always tried to hide his emotions around the people he was supposed to lead.  
“Matt is everything ok?” She asked tentatively.  
As the calm voice broke into the night Matt scrubbed furiously at the tears streaking down his face. If it was anyone else he would of ignored them until they got bored and left but Brett was different, something inside of him urged him to open the door. He couldn’t explain it and he didn’t want to but she was different from everyone else. Matt stood to his feet and warily turned the handle, the pressure in his chest eased when he was met with Sylvie’s kind eyes and concerned expression.  
“Hey what’s going on?” She asked as she placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, tear tracks stained Casey’s face despite his best effort to wipe them away and his skin was pale and clammy.  
“Nothing Brett, it’s just a tough week for me” explained Matt begrudgingly as he scrubbed a shaky hand across his face.  
“You look exhausted, go get some sleep while you can” advised Matt when Brett stared at him wordlessly with sympathy. Matt was starting to think she would never leave of her own accord; he was starting to regret letting her in.  
“Ok , make sure you get some rest too Captain” sighed Brett. She didn’t want to leave Matt but it had been a long shift and she needed sleep if she wanted to help anyone else on possible future calls.

-

Brett’s movement’s were sluggish and her mind was in a fog, she was busy making a cup of coffee, the paramedic was running on only three hours of sleep , they’d had two more calls after she spoke to Casey. Abruptly she was jolted out of her drowsy state by raised voices coming from down the hall. She focused on pouring milk into her mug trying to ignore the approaching argument, the last thing she wanted was to get involved in whatever was going on. Disagreements weren’t uncommon in the firehouse as they spent a lot of time together. Brett had learnt it was best to avoid the argument and wait for it to pass. However her hopes of staying out of it were dashed when an angry looking Casey marched into the kitchen , he roughly pulled a chair out from under the table and collapsed down in it , a frustrated Kelly dashed in after him.  
“Happy now Kelly” snapped Matt , Ritter who had only just entered the room quickly turned around when he realised he had walked in on a heated argument, but Ritter’s attempt to leave unnoticed was thwarted when Casey suddenly called him back,  
“Stay , don’t go, we’re all hanging having fun” laughed Matt in a hollow tone, Ritter stood frozen in the middle of the common room torn between running out of the room and obeying the captains order.  
“Casey please-“ begged Kelly, he’d been trying to get Casey to interact with others instead of hiding in his office.  
“No I’m doing what you wanted I’m socialising” interrupted Casey with a fake smile plastered on his face.  
“Come on Casey you know this isn’t what I meant, I’m just worried about you” Kelly admitted. Matt placed his hands on his forehead trying to ease the pounding in his head, why wouldn’t Kelly just leave him alone? With Matt temporarily distracted Kelly mouthed to an uncomfortable Ritter to go, the candidate nodded gratefully and scuttled out of the common room.  
“Well don’t be , I’m fine” snapped Matt, removing his hand from his head and waving them around in annoyance.  
“Matt you’re not fine, I know this time of year is always hard. Just please talk to someone ” Kelly begged feeling like he was dangerously close to loosing his best friend, Severide always feared that years of suppressing his emotions would cause Matt to break one day, he was petrified that the day Matt snapped was approaching.  
“Oh because you’re always so chatty” sniped Matt.  
“You’re right I don’t open up straight away but you’re always there pestering me to talk” replied Kelly, remembering how Matt dragged him back to fifty one after Shay’s death, Matt helped him get back on track. If it wasn’t for Casey Kelly would have headed down a long lonely dark road of which there is no return. Matt was also there for his most recent loss, on the days where Kelly felt numb or like his heart would explode Matt would take him outside and coax him into talking as they smoked cigars.  
“You were there for me on the anniversary of Anna’s death” continued Kelly in a quiet voice only Matt could hear.  
“It’s not the same thing Kelly, you did everything you could to save Anna” Matt responded, unshed tears were stinging his eyes as he jumped out of his seat and stepped towards Kelly, Matt stood so close, Kelly could feel Matt’s breath on his neck  
“I didn’t do enough for Hallie” croaked Matt , before Kelly could respond the alarm sounded and everyone leapt into action.

The call was a horrendous car accident , a pickup truck abruptly braked causing a small car belonging to a young family to hurdle into it. Immediately Matt had began yelling out orders and everyone had got to work. After working tirelessly everyone but the young mother had been recovered from the car , she had been impaled by a pole that had been in the back of the truck. Casey remained next to her talking softly as Brett tried her best to dull the woman’s pain, the rest of fifty one were busy trying to find a way to free the poor mother.  
“My kids are they ok?” She gasped.  
“They’re doing well, let’s focus on you for now” comforted Brett.  
“Three boys must be a handful ” Casey observed trying to distract her from the tense situation.  
“T-they keep me busy , wouldn't have it any other way” she stammered.  
“I bet” smiled Casey.  
“D-d-do you have kids?”  
“No , but hopefully one day” Replied Casey whimsically.  
“You’d be a great father” she responded weakly her eyes slowly closing and her breathing becoming shallow.  
“Casey we’ve got a fuel leak I need you out of there” Boden’s voice interrupted over the radio , the firefighter looked at the trapped woman and then the paramedic staring at him with worry.  
“Brett go” ordered Matt, he didn’t want her to get hurt. She was an amazing person a lot of people turned to for help, the world needed her.  
“Casey you have to come too” stated Brett her voice becoming high pitched as panic welled up in her chest.  
“Go now Brett!” Matt commanded, why did she have to be so stubborn? He wanted to keep Brett safe but he couldn’t leave yet.  
“Casey she’s lost too much blood she’s going in to shock it’s too late” explained Brett, unbeknownst to her Matt had come to terms with the fact the mother wasn’t going to survive this ; Matt wasn’t trying to save her.  
“I’m not letting her die alone” yelled Matt staring at the mother of three gradually slipping away.  
“Casey you could die too”,  
“Now Brett go” roared Casey, he would never forgive himself if Brett got hurt because of him, despite this he couldn’t leave the injured woman, she didn’t deserve to die all alone.  
“I need you out of there now” repeated Boden. Matt had a wild look in his eyes, in that moment Brett knew no matter what she said she would never get through to him in the small amount of time they had. Reluctantly Brett ran away from the car to join the rest of fifty one, she felt her heart beating viciously in her throat as she met their Chief’s eyes.  
“He won’t leave her” she cried, Boden turned away from the heartbroken paramedic and nodded at an anxious Kelly who wasted no time in running to Matt , Herrmann followed close behind. Matt had been like a son to him, ever since he walked into the fire house as a lanky quiet candidate.  
“Casey we have to go” urged Kelly once he reached his friend.  
“I’m not letting her die alone” Matt responded gazing at the frail mother.  
“Casey she’s unconscious she won’t know” reasoned Kelly desperately, they didn’t have much time.  
“But I will” shrieked Matt, knowing how stubborn Casey was Kelly and Herrmann resorted to their only option , Kelly grabbed Matt’s arm and with Herrmann’s help they pulled a distraught Matt away from the car kicking and screaming .  
“No please, she can’t die alone , don’t let her die alone” screamed Casey. The further away the two firefighters carried him the heavier his heart became, he felt like someone was stabbing him over and over again. Until Matt felt his heart being ripped out of his chest as the car violently exploded in front of his eyes, sadness jolted through Kelly as Matt’s distraught shriek hit his ears. All the fight drained out of Matt, his body went limp and agonising sobs racked his body. As Casey became a dead weight Herrmann dropped onto the floor with his captain, he wrapped his arms around the broken man as he cried. Matt’s gaze was glued to the wreck, Kelly crouched down in front of his friend blocking Matt’s view of the car but Kelly could see the explosion replaying in the blondes eye’s.

-

As engine 81 and Squad returned , a somber mood descended on the fire station. Casey immediately headed for his office avoiding the sympathetic glances from his crew.  
It was the end of the shift and everyone was eager to get home after such a rough call. If the car crash had occurred only half an hour later it wouldn’t have been them on the scene, they wouldn’t be the ones drowning in sorrow and regret, Kelly wouldn’t have watched his best friends heart shatter. Kelly knew it was selfish to wish his pain on somebody else but watching his already fragile friend breakdown was like swallowing broken glass. As the rest of fifty one filed out of the station Kelly hung around by his car hoping to bump into Matt, despite living together they’d driven to the station separately the day before, Kelly was pretty sure it was because Matt had been trying to avoid talking to him. Matt always distanced himself this time of year. Finally the blonde shuffled out of the station, his eyes were dull and a deep frown was plastered on his face,  
“You alright Matt?” asked Kelly, kicking himself for asking such a stupid question.  
“I’m fine Severide”,  
“Want to go out to Mollys tonight?”  
“No thank you” Matt replied completely devoid of emotion.  
“Matt I” started Kelly trying to stop Matt from isolating himself from everyone else.  
“I have to go, I’ve got a construction job” interrupted Casey walking past Severide.  
“Ok Matt , see you back at the apartment later” Kelly replied as he watched Matt hop into his truck. October was always tough on Casey but this year had been particularly agonising after he lost his house, Dawson and then when he finally had a glimmer of hope it was snatched away. When Matt met Naomi Kelly had been sceptical but then Matt started to return back to his old self ; then she left, fuelling Matt’s belief that everyone would leave him eventually.  
Kelly liked Gabby she was a good paramedic however Kelly never liked her with Matt. He always believed they were no good for each other. Matt needed a rock, someone to listen to and help him open up where as Gabby was a free spirited stubborn individual who needed someone spontaneous willing to go anywhere, not Matt who was a creature of habit who needs stability. There was also the fact Gabby didn’t like Matt talking about Hallie, she hated the fact Matt still loved his deceased fiancé, Gabby preferred to act as if she never existed. It was Kelly who went with Matt to visit Hallie’s grave every year. They’d stop at the library on the way, Matt would spend hours searching for the right book, then once they were at the cemetery Kelly would stay by Matt’s side until the blonde had finished reading the story to Hallie’s head stone. Some years it took all day , Matt would stop to weep or tell Hallie stories from the past year, the first year they visited after Hallie’s death they stayed in the cemetery until midnight. In three days it would be the sixth anniversary of Hallie’s death, Kelly was terrified of how the captain would cope.

-

Matt trudged into fifty one , he was hoping for a busy shift. He didn’t want to talk to anyone, he just wanted to do his job. He’d been avoiding Severide the past few days , he spent all day doing a construction job which should have only taken a few hours, Once the job was finished he walked around the streets of Chicago aimlessly until it was midnight. Thankfully his plan had worked and when Casey returned to the apartment Kelly was fast asleep. He repeated the same routine the next day.

As soon as Matt entered fifty one he headed straight for his office avoiding everyone and keeping his head down.  
Much to his dismay it had been a quiet shift, he was sat in his office staring emptily at his paperwork and chewing his pen when he heard someone lightly knock the door.  
“Dinners ready Matt” announced Kelly poking his head into Matt’s office.  
“Not hungry” mumbled Casey talking around the pen in his mouth.  
“Come on Matt you need to eat something” declared Kelly eliciting an exasperated groan from the blonde firefighter.  
“Fine” Casey replied weakly, he didn’t feel like talking let alone getting into an argument. He followed Kelly silently into the common room, he grabbed a plate, spooned a small portion of food onto it and sat in-between Kidd and Brett, he didn’t feel like sitting at the head of the table where everyone could see him, he just wanted to disappear. He ignored the conversations around him and stared at the food in front of him, lasagna. That was the first meal he ever cooked for Hallie , he’d been so nervous that night.

Matt and Hallie had been on a few dates before but it was the first time he’d brought her back to his apartment. He knew he would have the place to himself as Andy and Kelly were out at a bar. Just as Matt pulled the lasagna out of the oven Kelly and Andy burst through the door.  
“What are you doing here?” Matt had gasped as he stared mortified at Andy and Kelly playfully shoving each other and laughing as they walked into the Kitchen. As they got closer he noticed Kelly’s lip was bleeding and Andy had a faint bruise appearing on his lower jaw.  
“Kelly got us kicked out” stated Andy glaring slightly at Kelly before erupting into laughter again.  
“It’s not my fault, that guy was an ass” shot back Kelly chuckling. Andy plopped down into the seat next to Hallie who had been watching with amusement and Kelly moved to pester Matt.  
“Hallie these are my idiot roommates, Kelly and Andy” stated Matt with a small smile.  
“Nice to meet you” greeted Andy holding his hand out to Hallie.  
“It’s nice to finally meet some of Matt’s friends” she smiled. Andy and Kelly exchanged a knowing look before turning back turning to Matt.  
“So what are we having for dinner?” Andy asked earning a look of shock from Matt.  
“Me and Hallie are having lasagna, you and Kelly are ordering take out and disappearing into your rooms” responded Matt sternly.  
“Aww but Matt it smells so nice, plus you made a lot, you’ll never eat all that” groaned Kelly leaning his head on Matt’s shoulder, annoyedly Casey swatted his drunken friend off of him.  
“ I don’t mind if they stay” interrupted Hallie as a smile spread across her face.  
“I like this one she’s a keeper” Kelly attempted to whisper but in his drunken state the words came out in a loud shout, Hallie tried desperately to hide her laughter as a blush crept into Matt’s face.  
“Fine grab a plate” instructed Matt sighing defeatedly, earning victorious cheers from his drunken friend’s. Dinner was a loud hilarious event, Matt wasn’t sure his dignity survived as Kelly and Andy took great delight in telling Hallie stories about his misadventures. Despite his embarrassment Matt was overjoyed at seeing his roommates and girlfriend getting along so well. As the night wore on Andy and Kelly began to grow tired and sloppy as they began to crash. At some point Matt suggested they watch a film which led to his friends squabbling over the remote, when Andy grabbed the remote Kelly launched at him attempting to grab it but half way through his mission he was hit by exhaustion and fell asleep on top of Andy, who was too tired to move and quickly joined Kelly in the land of sleep. Hallie watched Matt with an enormous smile and a bright light in her eyes as he gently pried the remote out of Andy’s grip.

Matt had discovered a lot about Hallie too that night. Their previous dates had been fun but for the first time they both felt like they had seen each others real selves.  
As they draped blankets over Matt’s roommates unconscious forms they both burst into laughter.  
“I’m sorry about this” apologised Matt,  
“Don’t worry I’ve had an amazing time, really” replied Hallie.  
“Would you ever come over again?” Matt asked hopefully, he’d kill Andy and Kelly if they had scared her off.  
“Of course” she replied leaning into give him a kiss. The romantic moment was interrupted by loud snores coming from Kelly.  
“I’m going to strangle him” laughed Matt.  
When he watched Hallie disappear into her house after dropping her off, he knew she was the one.

-

Tears began streaming down Matt’s face as he stared at his plate, he’d never cook for her again, never stay up all night talking to her , never see her warm eyes or vibrant smile, never hold her in his arms again.  
“Hey Casey is everything ok?” Inquired Brett , after hearing the concern in Brett’s voice Severide looked over at Matt , Suddenly realisation dawned on him and he headed towards his friend.  
“Oh Matt I’m sorry, I completely forgot about the lasagne” apologised Severide who placed a hand gently on Matt’s shoulder, Kidd had kindly moved out of her seat allowing Kelly to take her place. However the blonde didn’t notice, he was virtually catatonic, he remained frozen as he stared down at his plate.  
“It’s fine” croaked Matt after a long moment of silence , he quickly wiped his tears away, also wiping away any hint of emotion on his face.  
“I have paper work to do” announced Matt in an even tone before shrugging Kelly off and heading for his office when he abruptly froze mid stride. A worn tired looking man was being led into the common room by Herrmann. All eyes fixed onto the tired looking man who was stood numbly staring off into the distance. All chatter in the room had ceased and Matt felt himself drawn to the man, instead of continuing to his office he approached the stranger.  
“How can we help?” Questioned Casey in the calmest tone he could manage.  
“Hi umm , I uh wanted to say thank you, you uh helped pull me and my kids out of a car crash the other day” announced the man, Tears were welling up in his eyes as he nervously folded his hands. He was the man from the other day, the man whose wife Matt failed to save.  
“That’s ok, it’s our job. How are your kids?” Asked Herrmann gently as everyone else remained silent.  
“They’re uh , they’re alive and right now that’s good enough” he responded honestly. Words were whirring around his head and he needed desperately to let them out, he didn’t want to be there but this was something he needed to do. He wanted to get this over with as soon as he could.  
“Which one of you stayed with my wife?” He stammered his eyes sweeping around the room. Matt tried to open his mouth but something inside of him was keeping him silent, fear. Matt was terrified of the man blaming him, but he knew he deserved it, so he prepared himself for the man’s harsh words.  
“Me ” croaked Matt feeling his blood run cold when the man turned his attention onto him.  
“W-was she awake?”  
“No” Casey responded evenly, he was using every ounce of his energy to block out all his emotions.  
“Oh thank god” whispered the man before nodding sombrely.  
“I uh I have to go” he breathed out. He needed to get back to his kids, he had turned up abruptly at the fire station as he couldn’t carry on not knowing whether his wife spent her last moments alone and afraid or blissfully unaware of the pain surrounding her, now he had his answer it was time for him to go home.  
“Is there anything we can do to help?” Asked Hermann watching tears well up in the grieving widows eyes.  
“No, I just I needed to know” explained the man struggling to keep himself together.  
“Thank you” he stated as he looked into Matt’s eyes, Casey could see the raw grief in his eyes and felt his own heart hammering in his chest. The man had disappeared before Matt could string together a response. Casey remained standing numbly staring at the doors, those kids would grow up without a mum and her husband had lost the love of his life. Matt knew how much it hurt to loose the person you loved most in the world. At least he had gotten a proper good bye, he had been there when Hallie took her last breath. On days like this Matt believed he died with her.


	2. It’s not right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The anniversary of Hallie’s death has arrived and Matt is feeling more than just grief. The guilt of betraying Hallie is paralysing. Will Kelly be able to get through to the distraught blonde?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading the story so far and thank you so much for the supportive comments.
> 
> TW- terminal illness

Matt slowly walked towards his car, the air was cold and bitter but the blonde firefighter didn’t notice. His chest was on fire and it took every fibre in his body to stop himself from screaming out. He despised this day, he hated being reminded that she was gone. Matts brain was cloudy and he could barely recall the following day. He couldn’t remember locking himself away in his office after the grieving widowers visit, or how he stared at the wall for hours urging himself not to cry, or how Brett and Kelly had taken it in turns waiting outside his door. All Casey could remember was feeling like he was falling, feeling the world around him slipping away, screams of the ones he’d lost filling his ears and feeling agonising guilt drowning his heart. Matt would have done anything to make the pain end, to stop himself from suffocating in the darkness but all he could do was sit there frozen.

Kelly watched his friend carefully, even though Matt was now up and walking the knot in his stomach had yet to ease. Earlier when the firefighter hadn’t even reacted to the sound of the alarms blaring Kelly’s worry had intensified. Thankfully Boden had allowed Kelly to stay behind to keep an eye on the fragile man, while sat outside Casey’s door he had felt completely utterly helpless. He had to fight the urge to barge into Casey’s office, the only thing that stopped him was the knowledge that the blonde would never open up if he was forced, therefore the only thing Severide could do was wait. He was engulfed by loneliness as he kept guard outside Casey’s door, until Brett had appeared holding two mugs of coffee. While she was wasn’t on call she’d wait with him, when night approached they would take it in turn watching their captain, allowing each other to get a couple hours of sleep. Fortunately fifty one hadn’t received any calls that night. When morning came Kelly had knocked on Matt ‘s door trying to coax him out, when there was no reply the squad lieutenant had reluctantly invaded Matt’s office. He had gently led Matt out of the room and outside.   
Now they were heading towards Kelly’s car, He feared how Matt would cope visiting his fiancées grave when he was already in an unstable state.

A few moments later the two firefighters arrived at the local library, Matt was no longer in a haze and seemed to be fully aware of his surroundings. Once inside Casey began searching around the building for the perfect book. Two hours passed and Matt still hadn’t found the right one, Kelly waited patiently at a table in the corner just like he did every year. However as he watched the blonde he realised something was different, Matt always took a long time selecting a book he’d read blurb after blurb, searching high and low for the perfect one but this time the captain seemed distracted. Casey was picking random books off the shelves, staring at them emptily not even bothering to read the blurbs before shoving them back onto the shelves unceremoniously.  
“Everything alright Case?” Inquired Kelly heading towards his friend.  
“It’s not right” murmured Matt,  
“What’s not right right buddy?” Asked Kelly his voice dripping with concern.  
“This, this isn’t right”,  
“Matt?” Croaked Kelly, Casey was growing agitated causing the squad lieutenants chest to tighten.  
“This isn’t right” Matt yelled drawing the attention of a few irritated people nearby.  
“Hey Casey calm down, what’s wrong?”  
“I can’t do this Kelly” declared Matt looking him straight in the eyes, Kelly felt like Matt’s stare was piercing his soul.  
“Do what Matt?” Questioned Kelly but the blonde shook his head at him and scrubbed a hand across his face.  
“Matt, do what? You’re starting to worry me buddy” admitted Kelly hoping Matt didn’t hear the cracks in his voice.  
“I betrayed her Kelly, she’s dead and I’m living like nothing happened!” Said Matt biting out every word.  
“No Matt, Hallie would want you to be happy” stated Kelly.  
“But it feels so wrong” whispered Matt.  
“ what does? Being happy?”  
“No, you don’t understand” yelled Casey stepping a few feet away from Kelly as he clutched his head.  
“Then help me Matt, help me understand what’s going on” pleaded Kelly closing the gap between them.  
“I love her Kelly”,  
“I know and I’m positive Hallie knew too”.  
“I wasn’t talking about Hallie” announced Matt his voice shaking.

There’s was an agonising thumping in the blondes head, he felt like he was going to explode. He wasn’t supposed to love Brett it wasn’t right, he’d had his chance at happiness and he blew it. He was never good enough for Hallie, he ruined her, Matt didn’t deserve a second chance.  
Matt never loved Gabby, he loved her company, he loved having someone to go home to, someone to talk to, someone to plan a future with but he never loved her. He married her because he wanted a family, because he didn’t want to be alone forever. However he also married her because he knew he would never feel the same way about her as he did Hallie. Being with gabby wasn’t replacing Hallie it was just another step of his life, Matt now realised how unfair it had been of him to use Gabby like that, the relationship was doomed from the start.  
But Brett she was different, every time she spoke he felt like she was the only other person in the world, he found himself needing to be near her, needing to feel her warm comforting presence. When she smiled his heart felt whole, the world felt like a painting full of life and colour. She made the cold streets of Chicago feel like Paris. When he was with her he could see the beauty in everything, even the street lamps, their warm glow illuminating the streets keeping darkness at bay was a perfect representation of what Sylvie did for him. On the days where he wanted to lean into the pain and darkness surrounding him, when he wanted to leave the dull torturous world behind her smile made his heart soar, she made him want to spend every single day of the rest of life trying to be a better man. Hallie had made him feel that way too, when she died she took the worlds colour and happiness with her, now Sylvie was returning it to him he realised he never deserved it in the first place.

“Oh Matt, Hallie would be overjoyed. She always hoped you’d find someone after her” remarked Kelly remembering a conversation he’d had with her one evening. 

-  
A few months after Andy had died and him and Matt had buried the hatchet the blonde had turned up on his doorstep in the middle of the night looking worse for wear. At first Shay had been  
displeased after being rudely awoken by the lieutenant, her annoyance only increased when she smelt the alcohol on his breath. But when she notice the tear tracks marring his face she immediately softened. The paramedic had called for Severide and by the time he had rushed down the stairs she had settled Matt onto the sofa. The two concerned friends waited supportively by Matt’s side as he tried to figure out a way to tell them what was going on, but no matter how long he sat there he couldn’t bring himself to say the words.  
“She does want kids” stated Matt slowly trying desperately to keep his voice level, Kelly and Shay shared a confused look, surely Matt should be happy, unfortunately there was a lot more to the story.  
“But it’s never going to happen because she doesn’t want to bring kids into the world knowing it won’t be long until she leaves it” admitted Matt. He had been distraught to find out the true reason Hallie didn’t want children, it turned out just like Matt she wanted to a parent more than anything, but fate dealt her a cruel card and despite her desperation to become a mum she believed it would be selfish to have children knowing not long after their birth she’d have to leave them behind, consequently leaving Matt behind as a single grieving father, she couldn’t do that to him.  
“Six months” gasped Matt,  
“What do you mean buddy?” Kelly asked fearing that Matt would confirm his suspicions.  
“She, she only has... she only has six months to live” cried Casey breaking down into distraught sobs as Shay pulled him to a hug. Initially Hallie was never going to tell him, she’d found out about five months before Andy died, she couldn’t bring herself to tell Matt. When he brought up trying for a baby hesitantly she decided to use that as a reason to break up their engagement, falsely claiming she didn’t want kids anymore. She loved Matt but she wanted to shield him from the pain of watching her deteriorate, of watching her slowly die. She hated leaving Matt just after he’d lost a close friend but she knew if she didn’t leave then, she never would. She took a job abroad and tried her best to carry on with what was left of her life but as her illness became more aggressive she was forced to return home, when she bumped into Matt after coming home her heart hurt too much to leave him again. They got back together but unbeknownst to Matt she was only going to stay for one month, just one month to give her heart the closure it so badly needed. But then one month turned to three and her illness was becoming harder to hide, after a visit to the doctor she’d been devastated to learn the precious time she had left had been cut even shorter, she only had six months not two years like she’d originally thought. With a heavy heart she had packed a bag and left Matt a letter full of lies, Hallie believed it would be better if she told Matt she’d had an affair, surely hating her would be easier than grieving for her. However just as Hallie took one last look around her and Matt’s home the front door swung open revealing the love of her life. Her heart shattered as she looked at Matt crestfallen and staring mournfully at the luggage in her hand, as his eyes filled with pain she broke down telling him the horrible truth.  
That had been two nights ago, Matt had suppressed his feelings as well as he could, he spent his days with Hallie talking and laughing normally, trying his hardest to be there for her. But when she had insisted on attending her shift at the hospital that night Matt had found himself crawling into a bottle, which ultimately led to him turning up devastated at Kelly’s, where the two friends stayed beside him the whole night offering him gentle reassurances.

About a month later the blonde had landed himself in hospital after a particularly bad call, as Kelly watched over the sleeping firefighters form he felt Hallie gripping his hand. For a moment Kelly had forgotten she was there, She hadn’t said a word since the doctor left the room.  
“He’s not going to be ok Kelly”,  
“But the doctor said he only had a concussion and a broken arm, they’re only keeping him in for observation ” reasoned Kelly, his brow furrowed in confusion.  
“I wasn’t talking about his injuries from the fall” sighed Hallie. Kelly gulped in realisation.  
“Oh, god Hallie I wish I could do something”,  
“You can. Look after him Kelly , don’t let him give up on life”.  
As severide replayed their conversation over in his head he realised how badly he had failed her. Severide had known for months Casey loved Brett, god the whole firehouse did except Brett herself. Kelly had assumed Matt’s reluctance to act on his feelings were due to Gabby’s abandonment, it had never occurred to him thar Matt was afraid of betraying Hallie.  
Once again Kelly placed his hands on Matt’s shoulders causing the blonde to look up at him.  
“Matt I’ve known you a very long time and if there’s one thing I’ve learnt about you it’s that you’re a kind caring man with a gigantic heart, loving Sylvie doesn’t change how much you love Hallie” stated Kelly firmly.  
“You have enough love in your heart for the whole wide world”.

-

Matt’s heart was on fire, his palms were sweaty and the guilt swirling around in his chest was becoming unbearable. Shakily he lowered himself to the ground in front of Hallie’s gravestone, clinging onto the box in his hands. In the end he hadn’t found the right book in the library, instead he had gone back home to retrieve the old wooden box he kept hidden underneath his bed. He placed the box on his lap and brushed his fingers over the smooth wood. His heavy heart was filled with a bitter happiness as his finger traced over the engraving on the lid, a small mouse holding onto a dandelion. It killed a piece of him loosing Hallie but it had been an honour to be a part of her life , to love her and to be loved by her.  
Kelly smiled sadly at the memories the box provoked , About a month before Hallie passed away Kelly had received a call from her asking him to come over. The illness had harshly gripped Hallie and she was now bed bound, Matt had left work to care for her but at Hallie’s demand he did one construction job a week, she wanted to ensure Matt was still a part of the rest of world knowing if the only thing he did was care for her he would never return to normal life after her death.   
When Kelly arrived there was no Matt, only Hallie and one of the nurses that helped with her care. When he sat down on the worn comfy chair positioned next to her bed he noticed a small wooden box perched on her lap, he’d raised an eyebrow at it but waited quietly for Hallie to explain.  
“I need a favour” she’d asked with warm pleading eyes,  
“I’ll do anything Hallie” he responded instantly, as he took in her appearance he realised she was weaker and paler than she had been the previous day.  
“After I die I want you to give this to Matt at my funeral”she stated evenly, the words felt like a punch in the stomach, Kelly had been gobsmacked by how easily the words had slipped out of Hallie’s mouth, he knew how hard they must have been to say but somehow hearing how she had accepted her death felt worse than finding out she was dying.   
“Of course” He eventually stammered, her frail hand reached out and grabbed his as she whispered thank you. Hallie felt more at peace now, the only thing that made this easier was knowing Matt had an amazing friend to help him through it all.

Matt carefully opened the box and stared at it’s contents, photos of him and Hallie together, the tickets from the first hockey match they’d gone too, the present he gave her for their fifth anniversary. Matt had brought her a necklace and asked Andy to keep it hidden at his house as he had moved in with Hallie and he didn’t want the surprise to be ruined if she found it. On the night of their anniversary Andy had dropped the bag off and promptly left not wanting to intrude. While Hallie was busy getting ready Matt peeked inside the bag and had been mortified to see a bright blue toy train inside instead of the necklace, he had frantically tried calling Andy but there was no reply, suddenly he heard Hallie approaching so he placed the train back in the bag and pushed it under the sofa before she could see. Matt tried his best carry on as normal, they went to a fancy restaurant and Hallie had a wonderful time but he had spent the entire evening wondering what to do about the necklace. When they returned home Hallie had asked what had been bothering him all night. Matt had sheepishly pulled the toy train out from underneath the sofa and explained what had happened, he then watched in shock as Hallie burst into laughter. Once she’d calmed down and had notice the confused look on her boyfriend’s face she had thrown her arms around him.  
“Oh Matt I don’t care about presents, it’s you I love, I’d live with nothing but the clothes on my back as long as I could be with you” she had stated.   
The next day Andy had turned up with a guilty expression as he apologised profusely. He’d been mortified when he realised he had accidentally given Matt the toy he brought for one of Griffins friends birthdays instead of the pretty necklace. His expression had quickly morphed from guilt to one of surprise after Matt told him it was ok but could he keep the train as well. After that the train had stood proudly on Hallie’s bedside table until the day it was placed in the box. Hidden by all of the invaluable items was an envelope containing the most important letter in the world. Matt inhaled deeply before gingerly picking it up and unfolding it. He remembered the first time he’d read it through tears as he sat by her grave for the first time. Just like he did that day Kelly wrapped an arm around Matt as he the grief ridden blond read Hallie’s last words to him.

Dear Matt,   
If I was given a choice between living a long happy life without you or the year’s we’ve spent together I’d pick you every single time. I don’t think I could live a day in this world without you. Ever since you looked at me with those big blue eyes for the first time you captured my heart. There’s a million things I could tell you but the most important thing is that i love you Matt Casey and I always will.  
But if you love me you’ll live your life, don’t carry my death on your shoulders, carry your memories of my life in your heart. I don’t want to be the reason you never laugh again, the reason you close yourself off from the world, the reason you self destruct.   
I’m sorry we’ll never get the future we dreamt about, but please don’t throw away your future.  
I love you Matt Casey and my dying wish is that you find happiness again.  
Love you forever and always,  
from Hallie.  
I’ll always be your girl no matter what.

With shaky hands Matt folded the letter and gently placed it back into the box. He then slowly pulled a crumpled piece of paper out of his jacket pocket. He cleared his throat before resting his forehead against the cool marble headstone.  
“I- I wrote this to say at your funeral, but I wasn’t strong enough, I wasn’t ready” Matt began pausing to suppress a sob rising in his throat.   
“But I think you’ve waited long enough to hear my goodbye to you. You’ll always be with me Hallie, I’ll never stop visiting your grave, I will never stop loving you but it’s times for me to stop pretending” stammered Matt as took a deep breath.  
“It’s time for me to stop pretending you’re coming back”,  
Tears cascaded down Matt’s face as he started to read out the words he should have spoken along time ago.

“To Hallie, the light of my world,  
I-I can never thank you enough for everything you’ve done for me. You introduced me to a world I never knew existed. Not one full of pain and anger but one full of compassion, patience, peace and kindness. Before you came along I felt empty, I was never more than a stranger , I didn’t matter too anyone. But then you came along and you picked me. I was just an angry man with a chip on my shoulder but you saw passed it. You saw the person nobody else saw. You made me want to be the man you already believed I was.  
You made me feel like I was somebody, more than just another face in the crowd. You made me forget about the rest of the world,You removed the anger and hate corrupting my heart. You made me proud to look in the mirror, for the first time in my life I felt happy to be me. When I was with you I was no longer the mistake that led my mother to killing my father, I was no longer the kid who grew up unwanted, I was your man, the person you called after a rough shift, the first person you spoke to in the morning and last person you spoke to at night. You were the best thing that ever happened to me, you showed me life was worth living . And it’s hurts” cried Matt breaking off into sharp anguished sobs, he dropped the paper to the floor and placed both of his hands on the grave stone, keeping his head bowed.  
“It hurts to live without you, I’m sorry I couldn’t do more to save you. I didn’t do enough for you in life but I won’t fail you in death too. After you left you took all the happiness in my world with you.  
You left me Hallie and I tumbled straight back into that world you saved me from. The uh” Casey paused and briefly glanced at his friend staring sympathetically at him.  
“The only reason I survived those first few months was because I had Severide”, Casey felt Kelly’s grip on him tighten at those words.  
“I can never replace you Hallie, but uh recently the light you took with you has been seeping back into the world. For the first time in a long time I feel something other than pain, there’s this glow in my chest e-every..... every time I look at her. Every time I see Sylvie, it’s a different feeling to how I felt with you but it’s just as amazing. I’m sorry Hallie, I’m sorry we never walked down the aisle together or welcomed children into the world. The life we planned is gone forever but you’re right, putting my life on pause won’t bring you back, it only taints your memory” Matt weeped.  
“You’ll always be with me Hallie, the part of me that loves and trusts people that’s there because of you”,  
Unsteadily Matt rose to his feet with the help of Kelly.  
“Thank you for showing me how to open my heart even if you did take a piece of it with you forever when you left”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter,  
> Hope you enjoyed.


	3. Fear

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt loves Sylvie too much too risk loosing her forever. But will his misguided attempt to keep her safe end in pain and sadness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long to update and I’m sorry it’s quite short.  
> Thank you for reading the story so far and thanks for the kind comments.

The guilt of loving Brett no longer swirled violently around in Matt’s chest however the blonde was far from peaceful, the fear of losing Brett had now taken over and was tormenting him every second of every day. She made him feel like he was alive for the first time since Hallie had died but what if it turned out she didn’t like him that way? Or worse what if they got together but she eventually left just like Gabby? Who was he kidding anyway believing he could have a future with Sylvie, everybody he loved left him eventually. If he didn’t want to loose her completely he had to keep her at arms length. After all he’d rather have Sylvie as a friend than risk loosing her forever after a messy relationship. Suddenly the loud bang of Kelly slamming his locker door dragged Matt back into the real world. The conflicted firefighter released a heavy sigh and clumsily rubbed at his eyes .  
“Are you alright Casey? you like hell” remarked Severide. Matt shot him a glare before closing his own locker and pressing his head up against the cool metal door.  
“I’m fine Kelly” he gritted out, he could feel it in his gut that this was going to be a long hard shift. Despite only just arriving at work Casey was exhausted, ever since accepting his feelings for Sylvie he hadn’t slept a wink, instead he laid awake staring up at the ceiling. Staying away from Brett was tearing him up inside but he knew he was doing the right thing. He didn’t think he could survive loosing another person, it would have been easier to never fall in love again thought Matt defeatedly. 

Right now the best thing for Matt to do was to focus on his job. A dull ache filled Matt’s head as he sluggishly pushed himself away from his locker and headed for his office with Kelly trailing close behind. Naively Kelly had believed everything would start to get better for his friend after making peace with his feelings for Brett but since that day at cemetery Matt had become more reserved than ever. Apart from Kelly and occasionally Kidd (when she came over to visit Severide)Matt never interacted with anyone from fifty one while off shift, he avoided Molly’s like the plague and threw himself into his construction work. Matt had even started to avoid Brett at work, he had always been one to hide away in his office but now he rarely even left the safety of his office to run drills with his crew. Severide felt utterly helpless, he had no idea how to help Casey.  
As the two men turned a corner they came face to face with the cause of Matt’s increased reclusiveness,  
“Good morning” greeted Sylvie with a large smile. Both of the firefighters had frozen briefly in their tracks. After a few moments passed Kelly returned the greeting before focusing on his friend who was wearing a pained expression, reluctantly Matt offered Sylvie a smile before she left as fast as she came. Once she was out of sight a mournful frown appeared on Casey’s face.  
“Are you going to tell her how you feel?” Inquired Severide in a low voice speeding up his pace slightly so he was right next to the blonde captain.  
“Kelly” scolded Matt his eyes nervously scanned the surrounding area to check no one had heard ; thankfully they were alone.  
“Jesus Matt everybody already knows how you feel about her, you’ve been looking at each other like lost puppies for weeks” replied Kelly lightly.  
“Oh come on we have not”Matt responded defensively, feeling a flutter in his chest at his newfound knowledge that Sylvie had been watching him too. Maybe she really did like him, NO he screamed internally as he shook his head, he couldn’t let himself think like that it was too risky.  
“Anyway you didn’t answer my question” said Kelly as Matt stepped into his office.  
“No” sighed Matt before promptly closing the door behind him. Kelly stared stunned at the door Matt had never physically shut him out like that before. As soon as he regained his senses he rushed into the office not caring if Matt objected.  
“No you’re not going to answer my question or no you’re not going to ask her out?” Questioned Kelly internally begging it wasn’t the latter.   
“No. I’m not going to ask her out” stated Matt emotionlessly as he sat down at his desk in an attempt to prevent Kelly from seeing the pain in his eyes, if you love someone set them free he repeated over and over in his head. Sylvie was never his and she never could be, not if Matt wanted to protect her bright smile. If they got together the light inside Brett would be extinguished by the darkness surrounding Matt, he couldn’t let that happen.  
“Casey! You love her anyone can see that” Kelly argued.  
“Which is why I’m doing this Kelly” yelled Matt in frustration before bolting upright knocking his chair to the floor with a loud bang. He turned to stare at Severide with a murderous look, this was hard enough without Severide playing devils advocate urging Matt to do what his heart so badly wanted.  
“I’m not good enough for her Kelly” admitted Matt in a broken voice.  
“Damn it Matt you couldn’t be more wrong” Kelly assured feeling a stab in his heart as once again he was reminded of Matt’s deep rooted self doubt and loathing. The blonde was ready to argue back when the alarm sounded, causing both men to abandon their argument and leap into action.

-  
Matt hopped out of truck 81 feeling content, the tension in his body had eased and the adrenaline from the call had jolted him awake. All in all the call had been a success, they’d recovered a family from a house fire and everyone was left relatively unscathed. They’d even managed to rescue the beloved family dog, who had shown his appreciation by peeing on Otis’s leg. Casey listened amused as Otis complained for the fifteenth time, while Capp launched into a story about the time he’d accidentally rescued a fox after mistaking it for a dog. The station was filled with laughter when Matt noticed Boden rushing towards them with fear etched across his face. Abruptly the laughter ceased and the room turned cold as they all waited patiently for Boden to speak.  
“Chief is everything alright ?” Asked Casey fearfully, realising for the first time since they returned that there was no sign of Sylvie or Foster.   
“There’s been an incident, we need to get to med” announced Boden as calmly as he could manage.  
“What why?” gasped Casey.  
“Brett was badly injured during her last call” explained Boden failing to keep his worry from seeping into his voice.  
“Back in the truck” barked Matt and promptly his team all filed back into the engine.  
Truck 81 along with the squad engine raced towards Chicago med but to Matt the drive felt like an eternity.   
-

Matt pushed himself up against the waiting room wall and stared desperately off into the distance replaying Foster’s words, when they rushed into Med she had informed that while treating a patient Sylvie had been a stabbed by the patient’s disorientated friend. She was currently in surgery to stop the bleeding. When Herrmann was stabbed they came terrifyingly close to loosing the older man, he was petrified of Sylvie’s fate. Matt feared his heart was going to burst out of his chest when a tired looking Will approached them, immediately everyone’s eyes were on the poor doctor.  
“We stopped the bleeding, she’s stable for now. These next 24 hours are crucial” announced Will causing terror to engulf everyone from fifty one.  
“Can we see her?” Asked Matt immediately pushing past the wave of nausea hitting him.  
“Of course, just two at a time” responded Will.

As Matt followed Will to Sylvie's room the corridor felt endless, with every he step he took his heart grew heavier. She was supposed to be safe, he’d pushed her away, he never acted on his feelings towards her. He never told her that she was like hot chocolate on a cold morning, a bright star in the dark night, a flower poking out through the thorns, his sunshine peeking out from behind the clouds. He never told her he loved her but despite everything he did to protect her she was now lying in a hospital bed fighting for her life.

His heart lurched when he laid eyes on the pale paramedic hooked up to various machines, he felt sick at the disturbing sight and the sound of monitors beeping gnawed at his heart. Seeing a loved one in distress was always a painful experience, even after a year of hospital visits he never got used to seeing Hallie so weak and frail. As he reached across and grabbed Sylvie’s hand which was whiter than snow he remembered the long nights he spent next to Hallie’s bed telling her stories of what there future would be like, even on the days he wasn’t sure Hallie would survive the night.   
“I can’t loose you too” breathed out Casey, struggling to keep himself from breaking down in tears as he felt Kelly’s hand on his shoulder.  
“I love you Sylvie, so you keep fighting ok” Matt begged. Sylvie was the most determined person he knew she would never give up Matt reminded himself allowing a few tears to slip. Anger began to flare up in his chest as he studied the unconscious paramedic, Why did he have to be so stubborn? Why didn’t he tell her he loved her? If she left this world without knowing how much she meant to him he would never forgive himself. She deserved to know she was the reason he got up in the morning, the reason he kept going.   
“Please don’t leave me Sylvie, don’t leave me”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry again for the delay in updating I rewrote this chapter quite a few times, originally I was just going to have Matt ask Sylvie on a date but I didn’t feel like it fit the tone of the story, call me evil but it seemed to simple and happy for someone as tormented as Matt.  
> But don’t worry I promise I will never kill Sylvie in this story.


	4. Slipping away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Sylvie’s future begins to look bleaker and bleaker Matt begins to fall into darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really sorry this took so long to update but hopefully now I should be back to updating every few days.
> 
> Warning some bad language. Also dark and negative thoughts.
> 
> Thank you for reading, hope you enjoy this long overdue chapter.  
> I’m not a doctor so this isn’t scientifically accurate.

Three days. That’s how many days had passed since Matt’s world had been turned upside down. Sylvie’s condition had worsened as she was fighting off an infection and as time went by her chances of a full recovery were becoming slimmer and slimmer. Everyone’s faith was beginning to dwindle, everyone’s except Matt’s. He had to believe Sylvie was going to be ok, he refused to think about a world without her. If she died she’d take a big part of him with her, the only good part of him that was left. Matt spent hours by Sylvie’s side and in the beginning lots of people often dropped by but none of them were as devoted to Sylvie as Matt. He only left when Maggie kicked him out every evening at the request of Kelly who then dragged the distraught man home. Casey detested every second he spent away from Brett but instead of wasting his energy protesting he resided himself to savouring the moments he had with her. When he was beside her he clung onto hand as if she would slip away forever at any sign of him letting go. Matt was starting to struggle to hide his resentment towards Kelly for dragging him home every evening declaring he needed food and rest. Matt had become more irritable and often found himself snapping at the squad lieutenant he understood that Kelly was trying to help but Matt didn’t need food or rest he needed Sylvie.   
Matt knew Kelly’s intentions were pure, therefore Matt tried his best to do what Severide wanted but it was becoming increasingly difficult to do anything other than sit by Brett’s side. When three days became seven trying to function like normal was impossible, everything he ate tasted like cardboard, his sleep was plagued with nightmares and he no longer had the motivation to do simple tasks like shower. Matt frequently forgot to shave and if it wasn’t for Kelly the blonde wouldn’t have even bothered changing his clothes daily. Matt felt like a zombie stumbling through the day. The only time Matt felt vaguely alive was when he was by Brett’s side.   
-

Anxiety gnawed at Kelly as he headed to the hospital after a quiet shift. They only had a few calls and when they weren’t busy everyone kept to themselves. The firehouse felt empty without Matt and Sylvie ,the laughter and warmth that normally filled the house had vanished. Kelly really hoped Brett would wake up soon because fifty one desperately needed her and Casey back. Kelly didn’t doubt for a second that If they lost Sylvie they’d loose Casey too. Despite the doctors saying Sylvie still had a chance of waking up and making a full recovery Kelly was afraid Matt had already started to slip away. Sombrely Kelly remembered how Matt had looked the day before, his eyes were steely, his face was sunken and his whole body sagged as if the weight of the world was pressing down on him. However Casey’s physical state wasn’t what concerned Severide the most, Matt no longer asked how his shift went or how everyone was, he had even stopped arguing with Kelly about going home, as Kelly looked back on the past few days he realised Matt barely spoke at all anymore, he just stared out into the distance. The stubborn captain had become a shell of his former self , they were loosing him and all Kelly could do was watch.

When Kelly reached Sylvie’s hospital room Matt was in his usual spot holding onto the injured paramedics hand.  
“Hey Matt” he greeted softly but the blonde’s eyes remained fixed on Sylvie’s pale face. For a few minutes the only noise in the room was the sound of the machines beeping loudly reminding them of the nightmare they were living.   
“I think Kidd’s going to visit soon” announced Kelly trying desperately to start a conversation, he really missed the sound of Matt’s voice and he didn’t mean the empty tone Matt used these days. He missed the talks they used to have while they smoked cigars or their short conversations first thing in the morning. He missed his best friend because whoever was sat next to him was definitely not the determined firefighter he met at the academy. Kelly had been preparing to be a firefighter his entire life, he expected to breeze through the academy, he never anticipated a scrawny blonde kid to keep up with him and even beat him on occasion. But after spending time with Matt he realised even though Casey was an amazing firefighter the rest of the time he was more like a robot. As time passed Kelly realised that was Matt’s defence mechanism, if he never let anyone in he could never get hurt. Thankfully he and Andy were relentless and eventually managed to break through Matt’s walls. Kelly hated seeing Matt blocking everyone out again, each time he put up his defences back up it became more difficult to break them down.

“Mmm not leavin’” grumbled Casey meeting Kelly’s eyes for the first time in days.  
“Come on Matt you don’t look so good, why don’t we go get something to eat?” Severide urged.  
“We had a deal”, betrayal and annoyance was written across Casey’s face.  
“I know Matt but you really need to get out of here” sighed Kelly regretting promising Casey that as long as he came home at six every night, ate a balanced meal and returned to the hospital no earlier than nine am he wouldn’t force the blonde to do anything else. Severide glanced at his watch it was only eleven am but Kelly was worried if they stayed any longer Matt’s would snap, his skin was clammy and almost a pale green, he shook ever so slightly and his movements were slow and clumsy. Kelly needed to get Matt home, he even contemplated getting Will or Natalie to check Matt over before they left.  
“Matt you not well” stated Kelly fear evident in his voice.  
“I’m not the one in the hospital bed” spat back Matt his voice full of anger.  
“Yet, if you carry on like you will be” yelled Severide causing Matt to recoil. Cursing himself Kelly took a deep breath and began talking in a softer tone.  
“Matt you’re not doing good. Sylvie wouldn’t want this”  
“I don’t care”, he was getting more and more irritated by the second.  
“For god sake Matt you’re practically killing your self” cried Kelly. Calmly Matt rose out of his seat and headed for the door unsteadily .The anger surging through Matt allowed him to push through the wave of nausea hitting him. He was furious with Kelly for not leaving him alone but Sylvie’s hospital room was no place to argue. With every step he took further away from Sylvie the anger in his chest burned hotter and hotter until he felt like he was on fire. Kelly followed closely baffled by the blondes actions. They had moved a few feet from the door when suddenly Matt turned around, grabbed Kelly’s arms and pushed him up against the wall.  
“Fuck you” growled Casey, he was tired of Kelly acting like he needed saving. He was tired of the guilt he felt in his chest every time he saw the concern in Severide’s eyes. He wished they had never made up after Andy’s death, Kelly would have been better off without him. Actually the whole world would have been better off if Casey had died instead of Andy. Matt didn’t deserve to be alive ever since he was born all he ever did was ruin people’s lives. Matt didn’t understand why his friend hadn’t given up on him yet, his own family hated him but Kelly had taken it upon himself to become Matt’s big brother. Casey’s head was spinning enough without thinking about how his actions were effecting Kelly. He needed Kelly to stop acting like his guardian angel, if the only way to protect Kelly was to upset him then so be it.   
“calm down Casey, I’m just trying to help” urged Kelly in a level tone. Despite what Matt wanted him to believe he knew Casey would never hurt him.  
“I don’t need your help”,  
“We both know that’s no true. Please Casey, carrying on like this won’t help Brett”  
“I don’t care” yelled Matt with unshed tears stinging his eyes.  
“I don’t care” he repeated in a voice barely above whisper, his grip on kelly loosened as all the anger and energy drained out of him.  
“I tried Kelly, w-when it was Hallie in that bed I kept going. I got up every day and I carried on as normal. I plastered a smile on my face and I acted like everything was ok”, Matt paused and bowed his head in a poor attempt to hide his pain from the other firefighter.  
“But what good did it do Kelly? Huh what good does pretending my entire world isn’t falling apart” screamed Matt. His knees buckled but before he could hit the floor he felt Kelly’s arm wrap tightly around him.   
“No ones asking you pretend to be ok Matt, we’re just asking you to let us look after you” explained Kelly gently as he lowered himself and Matt to the floor.  
“I can’t loose her Kelly” weeped Matt.  
“Shhh Matt, it’s going to be ok” soothed Kelly tightening his grip on the broken man, Casey focused on the pressure around his body instead of the thumping in his head and the stabbing sensation in his heart.  
“How can you say that when the only good thing left in my life is slipping away?”  
“She’s not gone yet Matt, there’s still time. Besides you still have me”,  
“You’re my best friend Kelly but I don’t think I can live in a world without Brett” sobbed Matt.   
-

Another dreadful week passed, Matt had gone another seven agonising days without hearing Sylvie’s melodic laugh or seeing her warm smile. With every day that passed Matt’s heart became heavier. Will had regretfully informed them that Sylvie was more likely to slip into a vegetive than she was to wake up. Once again Matt was positioned by Brett’s side, he hated how familiar the hospital had become. For the second time in his life it had become his second home. He remembered the long hospitals stays Hallie had endured and how bittersweet it was when she was discharged for the last time. Hallie was nowhere near fine but the misery caused by her illness was outweighed by the excitement of finally going home after over a month trapped in the hospital. Matt’s heart had filled with joy at the smile on her face but as he helped her into the car his eyes brimmed with tears, he had been overwhelmed with pain and sorrow because he was taking the love of his life home to die. The treatment had stopped working and she didn’t want to waste what little time she had left fighting a loosing battle. She didn’t want her last moments to be spent staring at the white bare walls of the hospital, she wanted to pass away with dignity in the comfort of her own home. Matt had been desperate for her to continue treatment but deep down he understood her decision so he stood by her every step of the way. Hallie died four weeks after being discharged from the hospital. Watching Hallie fight for her life was the hardest thing Matt had ever done but she died knowing he loved her with all his heart.   
Sylvie couldn’t die yet, not without knowing how much he loved her. She was going to wake up soon and they’d walk out together with smiles on their faces. If Sylvie died without knowing how much he loved her then Matt would deserve all the pain in the world.

There was no longer an agonising pain in Matt’s heart, instead he felt empty inside. As he gazed down at Sylvie he felt indifferent. He couldn’t cry for her anymore, the past two weeks had completely drained him of all emotion. Matt felt hollow, nothing mattered anymore. He no longer felt time ticking by as every second felt like the last. He wasn’t alive anymore, he was simply existing.  
“Hey Casey” greeted a familiar voice piercing through the fog surrounding Matt’s mind. Reluctantly Matt pulled his eyes away from Brett and looked up to see Boden offering him a cup of coffee, sluggishly he reached out and accepted the hot beverage.  
“Thanks” mumbled Matt forcing the words out with what little energy he had left.  
“How are you doing Casey ?” asked Boden as he sat down beside him. Casey shook his head softly and brought the cup up to his mouth, he barely registered the the hot liquid cascading down his throat. Boden waited patiently for Matt to elaborate but the blonde remained silent.  
“She’s a fighter Matt” assured Boden. He had never seen Casey like this before and it terrified him. Kelly warned him that Matt was near breaking point but Boden had never expected him to look so empty. Matt was a ghost, his eyes were unfocused and he seemed a million miles away.  
“But I’m not sure I am” admitted Casey feeling guilt flood over him, he was giving up on Sylvie after everything she’d done for him he was giving up on her but believing everything was going to be alright no longer felt like an option.  
“Casey you’re one of the strongest men I know. You’ve been by Sylvie’s side every step of the way and I know you will be there for her when she wakes up. You’ve been through hell Casey but you’re still here. You’re a survivor Matt never forget that” responded Boden stressing the word when, he knew in his heart that it wasn’t Sylvie’s time to go.  
“But what if she doesn’t wake up Chief?” Questioned Matt, he trusted Boden with his life and he knew could count on the chief to guide him through tough times but Matt didn’t think Boden could help him this time, no one could.  
“Matt thinking like that gets us nowhere” reminded Boden wishing he had something more positive to say. He hated not being able to comfort the younger man.  
“I’ve been here before chief, I’ve seen how it ends and burying your head in the sand pretending everything will be fine just makes it hurt a million times more when the inevitable happens”  
“But loosing hope won’t help either Matt”,  
“I didn’t loose hope chief it was snatched away from me. Every time I have faith life gives me a reason to give up. I tried to be a good man but I failed spectacularly. I spend my days running into burning buildings for strangers but I can never save the people I love. I don’t deserve happiness, I never deserved Sylvie that’s why this is happening , the universe is punishing me. Sylvie’s dying and it’s all my fault!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don’t worry I promise this story is going to get a lot happier. Once again I wrote a happier chapter instead of this one where Sylvie woke up not long after the incident but it didn’t seem right. Sorry for the more negative chapter but I promise things are going to get better for Matt.  
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter, any criticism welcome.


	5. Rose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will a blast from the past help Matt start to move past his feelings of guilt and his self hatred.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy this chapter.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING : mentions of suicide and dark thoughts.
> 
> You can skip this chapter if you prefer and I’ll add the last paragraph which includes no triggers but is an important part of the story to the start of the next chapter.
> 
> Thank you for reading.

Matt’s heart felt empty and there was a dull thumping in his head, the world around him was blurry as he gazed out of the car window, Matt felt disconnected from the rest of the world it was like he was trapped in a glass box watching the world go by but unable to interact with anyone. after his conversation with Boden the older man had promptly left. Matt assumed he’d finally driven Boden away but a few hours later the chief had returned with a concerned looking Kidd. In a stern tone that left no room for argument Boden told him they had somewhere to go, Matt was too exhausted to argue so he allowed Stella to take his place beside Sylvie. 

Boden spared a brief glance at Matt, the younger firefighter had followed Boden to his car with his head bowed. The fact Matt hadn’t uttered a single word since Boden had instructed him to leave the hospital only added to the worry whirring around his head. He had always known Matt had a tendency to take responsibility for things that weren’t his fault, he remembered the look in the blonde’s eyes every time Severide had blamed him for Andy’s death, Boden was positive Matt had agreed with every word Kelly had said but had deflected his feelings of guilt by blaming Severide. Boden also knew Matt was still angry at himself for not persuading Hallie to try experimental treatment, Boden had always admired Casey’s decision to support Hallie’s wishes but he knew how much it tore Matt up inside. However this time was different, Matt wasn’t even there when Brett was stabbed he had nothing to do with what happened but he was still carrying guilt around with him. Boden needed to show Matt he wasn’t cursed and he had positively impacted lots of people’s lives, Matt was a good man and he deserved to know that. Boden understood that his plan wouldn’t instantly fix Matt but he hoped it would be the first step in helping Matt heal. 

“We’re here Casey” announced Boden after he stopped the car on a peaceful street. Boden sighed as the blonde remained unresponsive, he jumped out of his car and walked around to the passenger side. He opened the door in the hopes it would pull Matt back into reality but Casey’s eyes remained clouded over as he sat numbly in his seat.  
“Casey” called Boden gently shaking Matt’s shoulder.  
“Hmph” Matt groaned blinking sluggishly, a few seconds later he unplugged his seat belt and climbed out of the car, his body moving on autopilot. He followed Boden to a quaint house on the corner of the street. As Boden knocked the door Matt could hear the sound of a child’s laughter coming from inside. A few seconds later the door opened and a girl with wavy dark brown hair flowing down to her shoulders appeared.  
“Hi” greeted the girl with a big toothy smile, she was about six years old and she was holding onto a fluffy toy rabbit.  
“Lilly you know your supposed to answer the door without me or Dad” Called a woman’s voice from the distance.  
“I forgot” the girl responded swaying side from side as if she was dancing to a song they couldn’t hear. Suddenly a woman with the same dark brown hair and bright green eyes as the little girl apparently named Lilly came into view, Matt felt a warm feeling wash over him. He’d met her before he was sure of it, he desperately try to rack his brain to trying to remember who the lady was.  
“Hi” greeted the woman as she smiled at Boden and Matt.  
“Thank you for letting us come over at such short notice” replied Boden as the lady led them into the vibrant living room. Photos were plastered over the walls and toys were scattered across the living room floor, Lilly flopped down onto the sofa next to a young boy with curly hair who rolled his eyes at the excitable girl, he then returned his focus to the obnoxiously loud video game he was playing.  
“Matty why don’t you take your sister outside” said the lady eliciting a groan from the boy who dramatically dropped the controller onto the sofa before walking outside dragging his feet in annoyance, meanwhile Lilly cheered in delight and ran outside holding the toy rabbit as high as she could, pretending the rabbit was soaring through the air . Matty thought Casey bewildered, surely it was just a coincidence. The woman sat down at a large dining room table where they could still see the children through a big window , both men sat down opposite her, a plate of messily decorated cupcakes was placed between them. Matt smiled as he realised they must have been made with the assistance of Lilly , he never did that sort of thing with his parents growing up ; he used to tell himself that when he had children they’d always do fun stuff like baking or playing catch together. Despite his previous dreams for the future Matt no longer wanted to be a father, the only person he wanted to bring a child into the world with was Sylvie but she was slipping away. The feeling of the woman watching him intently caused Matt to look up, he gave the lady a shy smile as he locked eyes with her.  
“Rose” gasped Matt as the memories came flooding back. He’d met her on a call back when he was a candidate.  
“You remember me” she smiled.  
“Of course”, He’d thought about her everyday for months after their encounter, the only reason he hadn’t recognised her sooner was that over fifteen years had passed.  
“It’s wonderful to finally see you again, I visited the firehouse a few years ago but you weren’t there” she admitted. Unbeknownst to her Rose had visited the firehouse during Hallie’s last month, Boden had taken her number but after Hallie died and Matt was consumed by grief he never found the right time to tell the grieving firefighter. Luckily he’d kept the number all these years and when he rang her earlier that day asking if they could meet up Rose had accepted immediately.  
“It was just after lily was born, Even though it was long overdue I felt like it was the right time to say thank you”  
“Thank you?”  
“You’re the reason I’m alive today Matt, the reason I have two amazing kids and a loving husband”,  
“I uh I only did what anyone else would do” stammered Matt blushing slightly.  
“No Matt you didn’t!”

Casey had only been at fifty one for a month but he was already starting to feel like he belonged. Kelly had warned Matt that firefighters often gave candidates a tough time but so far all their jokes had been harmless. Matt would never tell anyone but fifty one felt safer and happier than his home growing up had ever felt. While on shift Matt spent his time between calls either cooking or doing drills, despite most people hating drills in a strange way Matt enjoyed them , he had always preferred to keep himself busy therefore his lieutenant occupying his free time with extra training hadn’t bothered him in the slightest.  
Matt jumped out of the truck and started following his lieutenant’s instructions, the call was a small car crash involving two cars. They managed to save both of the victims who both were left with non life threatening injuries. While packing away the equipment Matt noticed a woman stood on the nearby bridge,Casey stopped what he was doing and headed slowly towards her. She was staring out over the edge with a look of acceptance , immediately Matt sped up his pace as the woman began to climb over the bars. Without hesitation he followed the lady over the railings, their arms were nearly touching as he stood firmly by her side, he had one hand gripping the bars and the other was hovering restlessly by his side ready to grab her if she made a sudden movement.  
“Hi” he said softly interrupting the sound of the woman’s heavy breathing. She flinched at Matt’s successful attempt to catch her attention, once she recovered from the surprise revelation that she wasn’t alone she turned to look at Casey with eyes drowning in fear.  
“L-leave me alone” she stuttered.  
“I’m sorry I can’t do that” stated Matt in a comforting tone, it took all of his energy to keep his voice steady.  
“Please, I need to do this” the lady replied her voice saturated with pain.  
“Why don’t we talk first? We could go somewhere warmer and safer” suggested Casey.  
“No!”  
“Just go, I deserve this” whispered the lady returning her gaze to the water beneath them.  
“I don’t believe that for a second”,  
“You don’t even know me” she snapped. She was right he didn’t even know her name but he didn’t care, he refused to leave the bridge without her.  
“You’re right but we can change that, my name’s Matt what’s yours?”  
“It doesn’t matter”,  
“It matters to me”,  
“Well It shouldn’t, just leave now forget about me”.  
“I’m not leaving you” promised Matt. He noticed Herrmann, his lieutenant and Chief Boden watching him closely , when the lady wasn’t looking he beckoned for them to come closer.  
“Fine, my name is Rose happy now” she snapped angrily.  
“I won’t be happy until I know you’re safe”.  
“Why are you making this even harder? Why won’t you just let me go?”  
“Because If you talk to me we can find a different solution”.  
“This is the only way to stop the pain”  
“No, there’s other ways, I promise you Rose this isn’t the right way”  
“How do you know?” She snapped  
“Because I’ve been where you are” admitted Matt hoping she didn’t notice the cracks in his voice. He was petrified of how the chief would react to what he was about to say, he knew Boden was a reasonable man but he had an obligation to protect the whole house, if he thought Matt was a risk his candidacy would be over in an instant. Despite Matt’s fear he knew if he wanted to save rose he had to be completely honest.  
“M-my Dad died and my mum had to go away. My sister returned to college and moved on with her life leaving me behind. I believed it was all my fault, I thought I’d never be anything more than a waste of space. I thought I’d be alone my entire life” Matt paused as he wiped away a stray tear before Rose could see. Up until this point his aunt had been the only person who knew about the lowest point of his life, one night when she came home early from work she found him in the bathroom staring at a bottle pills of he’d stolen from her room. She’d been angry at first but after she calmed down she burst into tears, they sat on the bathroom floor for what felt like hours gripping onto each other as they sobbed uncontrollably. Afterwards Matt had gone to a therapist to help him open up, His aunt had reluctantly agreed to keep that night a secret even from Matt’s therapist, fearing that if the fire department ever found out it could hurt Matt’s chances of getting into the academy, she knew the only thing Matt cared about was becoming a firefighter and she was afraid if that was taken away from him she wouldn’t be able to stop him again. Matt still had dark horrible days but with Andy and Kelly by his side he always got through them. They didn’t know much about his past but they had become fiercely protective of him and often acted like older brothers would.  
“But I was wrong. Life is still hard and there will always be days where the world feels dark and lonely but there’s so much more to life than pain. If you go now you’ll miss out on so much good”  
“I don’t care, I don’t deserve happiness”.  
“Rose” began Casey but he was cut off by her devastating explanation.  
“My brother deserved to live his life but now he’s gone and it’s my fault” she sobbed. Matt reached out and tentatively grasped her hand, when she didn’t pull away he gave her a hand a reassuring squeeze.  
“He drowned and I couldn’t save him” she continued in between shaky breaths.  
“I’m sorry about your brother but this won’t bring him back”,  
“But I don’t know what else to do” weeped Rose.  
“Let me help you” he urged, he turned his head towards the spectating firefighters and mouthed to them to come closer. Silently the three men moved so they were directly behind Matt and the distraught woman. As She began to sob harder Matt slowly pulled her towards him, as he felt Herrmann reach through the bar’s and wrap his arms arms around his waist Matt let go of the bridge and wrapped both of his arms around Rose pulling her into a tight hug. Matt’s lieutenant attached himself to a rope and joined Matt and Rose on the other side of the railings. Once Rose’s crying died out they carefully pulled her out of Matt’s arms and with the help of Boden and the rest of the crew they got her to safety. Matt stayed with Rose the entire time offering gentle reassurances, he accompanied her in the ambulance and waited with her until her family arrived. For weeks he thought about Rose and wondered how she was doing, he knew the road to recovery was long and painful but he hoped she had found her way, he hoped she was safe and happy. 

“You’re the reason I’m here today Matt” she stated as she reached out and grabbed his hand.  
“Thank you” she stated as she looked out of the window at Lilly giggling wildly as her older brother chased her around the garden. 

-

The drive back to the hospital was just as quiet as the drive to Rose’s house but this time it was a calm peaceful silence not tense and cold like before. Maybe Matt wasn’t as cursed as he thought.  
“Thank you Chief”,  
“That’s ok Matt but I need you to do something for me”  
“Anything”,  
“Promise me you’ll talk to us about what’s going on in that head of yours. Please don’t shut us out this time” pleaded Boden. Watching Matt shut himself off from everyone when Andy and Hallie died was agonising , they could never tell if Matt was healing or deteriorating. Matt would pretend to be ok until he snapped, whether it be by lashing out or pushing himself too far during a call, Boden always feared one day Matt’s refusal to let them in would prove fatal. Boden never forgot Matt’s words on the bridge, after Casey’s admission he had vowed to keep a closer eye on the young man. Boden knew Herrmann also kept a watchful eye on Matt and took him under his wing , it wasn’t because they didn’t trust him, both men trusted Casey with their lives but after that day they realised the blonde was in a lot of pain that he tried desperately to hide from everyone. And while they trusted Casey with their own lives they knew he often had a disregard for his own and tended to neglect himself. Matt was one of the strongest and kindest people Boden had ever met but he was also stubborn and secretive. Matt had the tendency to appear harsh and apathetic but Boden knew that was just a mask Casey hid behind to protect himself. 

-  
For the first time since she’d been admitted Matt spoke softly to Sylvie, he told her all about Rose, once he started talking he couldn’t stop. He told her all the things he wished he said before her accident. He talked about all the places he wanted to take her. He talked about the future, hopefully a future they’d share together.and when he started to run out of things to say he begun talking about random stories from his childhood. He told her the story about his elderly next door neighbour Sam and his dog Dave, Matt used to walk Dave everyday and sometimes after school Sam would teach him to play cards and he’d tell Matt stories about how he traveled around the world. When Sam died Dave had been sent to the kennels, he had begged his dad to let them adopt Dave but it had only ended in his Dad getting extremely mad.  
“I always hoped Dave was taken in by a loving family who spoilt him rotten”, All of the sudden a soft murmuring sound interrupted his ramblings. Matt ceased taking, his heart was in his throat as he watched Sylvie struggle to open her eyes. A few seconds later he was met with Sylvie’s crystal blue eyes, his entire body was overcome with relief. Brett began to mumble quietly before she closed her eyes again. He rubbed soothing circles on the back of her hand as the nurses scurried into the room.  
“Everything’s ok Brett you’re in the hospital. Everything is going to be alright I’m never going to let anything bad happen to you again ” promised Matt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and thank you for the comments.  
> I know Sylvie hasn’t been in the last few chapters but don't worry there’s lots of Sylvie and Matt to come in future chapters.
> 
> Have a great day and stay safe


	6. Relief

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Has Matt’s worst nightmare finally come to an end?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy this chapter.  
> Sorry it’s quite short, this was originally longer but I split it into two as the second half felt rushed.  
> sorry for the delay in updating.

A loud beeping sound pierced through the thick fog engulfing Sylvie’s mind, after a few minutes of struggling she eventually pried open her heavy eyelids, immediately her eyes were assaulted by a blinding light, she screwed them shut again and willed herself to focus on the fragmented memories flickering through her mind. She faintly recalled talking to Emily in the ambulance on their way to an emergency. The very last thing she remembered was helping a homeless man who had collapsed, her memory after that was completely blank. As the sleepiness clouding her brain began to lift she realised she wasn’t alone. She could hear the sound of someone breathing softly next to her. She peeled open her eyes once more and felt a flutter in her chest as she was met with he sight of a sleeping Matt slumped over in his chair. His blonde hair was sticking out in different directions and there was a peaceful expression on his face.

Sylvie stared at the man who had owned her heart since the day she met him, she’d always felt something pulling her towards Matt but she had doubted that the firefighter felt the same way. She loved Matt in a way she’d never loved anyone before, she felt safe and content whenever she was with him. She didn’t want to be with him because she was lonely or because she thought meeting someone and getting married was the right thing to do, she wanted to be with him because he made her feel like the person she’d always wanted to be. Whenever she was with Matt she felt comfortable with being herself, he made her feel loved and understood, something she’d always longed for growing up. However there had always been obstacles in the way preventing her from acting on her feelings, firstly it had been Dawson and then it was the fact Matt appeared to be avoiding her. Ever since Gabby had left she had felt like their was a lot of distance between her and Casey, she’d feared it was because she was a painful reminder of Gabby or he just simply didn’t like her anymore. But as she listened to the soothing sound of his breathing she wondered if she had been wrong. 

A few minutes passed and the blonde firefighter began to stir, he sleepily opened his eyes and when they landed on Sylvie’s warm smile his face lit up.  
“Hey” mumbled Matt softly, Brett had been drifting in and out of sleep for the last twelve hours, and every time she would stir Matt would greet her with the same warm smile, a few days ago he had felt like he’d never see her sparkling blue eyes or vibrant smile again. Therefore he didn’t mind having to comfort her and explain where she was over and over again. Thankfully this time was different.  
“Hi” she responded weakly, her voice was strained and hoarse as she used it for the first time in over a week.   
“It’s good to see you awake sleeping beauty” smiled Matt, relief had rolled over him after hearing her voice, it was a sound he had been desperate to hear. A smile graced Sylvie’s face at Matt’s words, she began to wonder how it would feel waking up to Matt every day. She imagined waking up to a gentle kiss on the forehead after falling asleep with his arm wrapped around her, she imagined nuzzling into his shoulder smelling the comforting scent off his laundry detergent melded with the smell of mahogany; then drifting off to the rhythmic sound of his breathing. Sylvie didn’t want to be rich or travel around the world, she just wanted to be with Matt. She shook her head dismissively, she was getting ahead of herself. She knew dreaming of a future with Matt was a dangerous thing to do because it would only hurt more when she inevitably found out Matt didn’t reciprocate her feelings.

A few moments later Will appeared and preformed a few routine tests, by the fifth test Matt was finding it harder and harder to concentrate on what the man was saying to Sylvie. His body ached from sleeping in the uncomfortable hospital chair and he was still extremely tired, in his tired state Matt found himself staring at Sylvie soaking in her presence. Despite still being disoriented she had a bright smile plastered across her face and a cheerful glow in her eyes. For the first time in days Matts own smile wasn’t forced, he felt peacefulness spreading over him and a warm feeling filling his heart. He shook himself out of his daze as he noticed Will and Sylvie’s eyes on him.  
“Well Sylvie there’s no neurological damage and your internal injuries appear to be healing properly. Without any further complications you should make a full recovery” Announced Will cheerfully with a grin. Sylvie was already doing better than anyone had expected, she was now fully aware of her surroundings and had no problems breathing or preforming any other bodily functions. Matt felt relief roll over him at the news that Sylvie would make a full recovery. He flashed Sylvie a smile before stepping outside briefly to inform the rest of fifty one that Sylvie was awake and aware of her surroundings. 

After Matt returned the small hospital room filled with laughter and light hearted conversation. When she asked him about how the rest of fifty one had been doing Matt found himself reciting Kelly’s stories, he didn’t want her to know that he’d only left her side to go home. The conversations flowed easily, even before the accident he could have talked to Sylvie for hours on end without stopping. Suddenly Matt felt his heart stop as the conversation took a turn,  
“What happened?” Asked Sylvie voicing the question that had been on her mind since she regained consciousness.  
“Just a horrible incident but don’t worry no one else was hurt” explained Matt gently, he didn’t think he was the best person to tell her she’d been stabbed, he’d been so focused on her recovering that he hadn’t actually asked Emily about the incident that had landed Sylvie in the hospital, therefore if Brett had any questions he wouldn’t be able to answer them properly.   
Before either Sylvie or Matt had a chance to speak again there was a soft knock at the door followed by Kidd and Foster heading inside. Matt greeted both of the women before saying goodbye to Sylvie and heading home for a quick shower.

He stepped out of the hospital without feeling the weight of world crushing down on him,he no longer lived in fear of Sylvie passing away all alone, no one deserved that fate especially not bubbly kindhearted Brett. As he moved further away from the building he knew he’d been given a second chance at showing Brett how much he loved her, he was still terrified of being rejected by her but he’d never forgive himself if he didn’t try. Matt had to tell Sylvie he loved her. He wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of his life with her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed, I really struggled writing this chapter. After so many heavy chapters about Matt’s fear of loosing her I wanted to do this part right.  
> I’m sorry if it was bit of a letdown, I appear to be better at writing sad chapters. My happy chapters often appear cheesy sorry but I’m working on improving.
> 
> Have a good day: )


	7. Beautiful

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Is Matt finally going to confront something he’s been avoiding for a very long time?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s the second part of the last chapter.  
> Hope you enjoy.  
> I struggled a lot , I’m way out of my writing comfort zone.

Matt walked slowly out of the hospital with his arm wrapped supportively around Sylvie, as they left the building that had been Brett’s home for far too long Matt felt a faint smile tugging at his mouth. Two days had passed since Sylvie had fully regained consciousness and she was finally being released. Her doctors were confident that she was going to make a full recovery, she’d have to attend a few appointments to check everything was healing ok but within two months she’d be back at fifty one. Even though she couldn’t remember the stabbing she would also have to see a psychiatrist as it was CFD policy after a traumatic event. Despite feeling relief rollover him there was a tiny piece of Matt’s heart that ached with guilt, It felt wrong celebrating Brett’s recovery when Hallie never got to experience the happiness and relief of being told everything was going to be ok, instead she had been handed a death sentence. Matt shook away the dark thoughts clouding his mind and focused on the person beside him. He would never get to spend another second with Hallie but maybe just maybe there was a chance he could spend the rest of his life with Brett.

-

Matt fidgeted anxiously in the seat of his try as he waited for Brett, he was currently parked outside the hospital. He’d just finished his first shift at fifty one since Sylvie’s stabbing, he had promised to pick up the blonde paramedic from her morning appointment, he’d been upset that he couldn’t go with her but he’d already used up a lot of furlough and he couldn’t afford to miss anymore shifts. Kelly had joked that if Matt hadn’t come back when he did Herrmann would have refused to give up the position of lieutenant. Nervously Matt drummed his fingers against the steering wheel in an attempt to drown out the thunderous beating of his heart. Despite Brett being discharged over a week ago Matt still hadn’t told the paramedic how he felt about her , he had wanted to give her time to begin to recover first. Now seemed like the right time as one week had passed since she’d been discharged from the hospital.

As the blonde paramedic came into view Matt every possible worse case outcome popped into his head. The thoughts were pushed away as She flashed him a bright smile which he nervously returned as she hopped inside his truck.  
“How did it go?” Asked Casey in the steadiest tone he could manage.  
“Good, Will says I’ll be back to normal in no time” she announced as she beamed brightly at him, a wave of peacefulness washed over Matt as he gazed at the smiling paramedic. She was the most beautiful person in the world and Matt had no idea how he was lucky enough to even breathe the same air as her.  
“That’s great, So have you got any plans for later in the day?”  
“I don’t think so”she replied, concern seeped into her voice as her eyes examined the man beside her, his posture was rigid and he kept swallowing nervously.  
“Well um do you mind if I change that?” asked Casey flashing her a shy smile. He felt nauseous and his heart was pounding, after months of struggling with his feelings for her, he was finally going to find out if Sylvie even vaguely felt the same way.  
“What were you thinking?” Inquired Brett with a hint of amusement in her voice. She adored spending time with the firefighter and would do anything to prolong their time together.  
“Dinner” blurted out Matt. Sylvie instantly froze and gasped at Matt.  
“A-as, as more than friends?” she questioned in disbelief , for months she’d dreamt of this moment but she didn’t want to get her hopes, she didn’t want to get hurt.  
“Yes” Matt replied tentatively after a long tense silence full of anticipation.  
“I’d love that” answered Sylvie without hesitation, she felt herself buzzing with excitement. Matt was instantly giddy with relief , a few weeks he thought he had missed his chance at being with Sylvie forever.

-  
The sound of Matt pacing up and down filled the apartment, Kelly and Stella watched in amusement from behind the kitchen counter.  
“Is he always this worked up before dates?” Asked Kidd curiously as she watched her usually stoic lieutenant undo his top button before redoing it again for the billionth time.  
“No, he wasn’t even this nervous with Hallie” Kelly replied furrowing his eyebrow’s at the sight of his stressed out friend.  
“I can hear you” snapped Casey as his hands reached up to fiddle with his shirts buttons once again, suddenly he felt rough hands batting his own away from his collar, Matt locked eyes with the man in front of him and let out a defeated sigh.  
“I really don’t want to mess this up” admitted Matt softly in a voice barely above a whisper.  
“You won’t Matt” Kelly assured, he’d been surprised when Casey had told him he’d finally asked Brett out. For the first time in years he knew he didn’t have to worry about Matt because the fire captain was finally listening to his heart. Also Kelly knew how good Brett would be for Casey, if anyone could get the blonde to open up again and start to live again it would be Brett.  
“It’s just what if she leaves like Gabby? I don’t want to lose another amazing friend”,  
“You won’t Matt, besides not all in house relationships end in disaster, look at me and Stella” Reasoned Kelly as he gestured to the woman hiding her grin behind a coffee mug.  
“You’ve only been together a year” Matt pointed out matter of factly.  
“Hey,What’s that supposed to mean?” Huffed Stella feigning annoyance as Kelly playfully punched Casey in the shoulder.  
“I’m kidding” the blonde chuckled.  
“But seriously Matt everything’s going to be ok” promised Kelly before ruffling Matts hair to make him look less like an uptight gangly teen going to prom.  
“Thanks Kelly” mumbled Matt, Kelly really was like an older brother, he didn’t know what he would do without the squad lieutenant.

-

As Matt knocked on Sylvie’s door his palms were sweaty and his hand was shaking slightly, he desperately wanted this night to go well. A few minutes passed before the door swung open, Matt shifted uncomfortably as he came face to face with Otis who grinned mischievously at the firefighter in front of him.  
“Woah, you clean up very nicely Captain” remarked Otis smirking.  
“Thanks Otis is Brett-“  
“Wow” gasped Casey as his eyes landed on Brett, she was wearing a stunning dark blue dress but what caught his attention was the pure excitement in her expression. She mumbled something to Otis but Matt didn’t hear what she said, he was focusing on how gorgeous she looked. He was starting to feel inadequate stood in front of her  
A few moments later when he led her towards his truck he was overwhelmed with a warm glow. The world always seemed spectacular when he was with Sylvie.  
-

About ten minutes later they pulled up outside an elegant restaurant Stella had recommended . She had told him that Sylvie had mentioned wanting to go there before, Matt made a mental note to thank Kidd again when he saw Brett’s eyes light up as they walked inside. She felt a wave of nostalgia as she looked around, it reminded Brett of the restaurant her parents took her to when they celebrated her becoming a paramedic. The place was bustling with people but the only person she was paying attention to was Matt. Thankfully the firefighter had made a reservation, The waiter led them to a cozy table in the corner, as she examined the menu in her hands she felt someone staring at her. She looked up to see two bright blue orbs studying her intently, Casey instantly blushed and looked down at his own menu as he realised he’d been caught. Sylvie was always cheerful and full of energy when working at fifty one but this was different. She was wearing a shy smile which radiated warmth and a playful happiness danced in her eyes, Matt hadn’t even realised it was possible for him to love her anymore. He found himself wanting to soak in every moment with her, his heart was no longer buzzing inside his chest instead it was exploding with glee, he felt as if he was floating on a cloud. All his problems and worries had melted away, it was just him and Brett, nothing else in the world mattered.

As Matt stepped out of his car and opened the passenger door Sylvie felt a flutter of sadness, she never wanted this night to end. That night she’d seen a side of Matt she’d only caught glimpses of in the past, there wasn’t a doubt in her heart that she’d finally seen the real Matt Casey. He was definitely the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.  
“I had a lot of fun tonight” admitted Sylvie with a smile as they stood outside her front door.  
“Me too, I hope we can do it again sometime” responded Matt, he’d treasure their date forever and he hoped it would be the first of many. However as Sylvie remained silent and looked at her feet Matt felt his heart clench. Sadness washed over him, the evening had only strengthened his love for her. Suddenly he felt Sylvie’s hands grip his jacket pulling him closer, as her lips touched his fireworks exploded inside of his chest. He instinctively leaned in to the gesture and wrapped his arms around her.  
“Definitely” she mumbled as she briefly pulled away before pushing her lips to his again. Casey wished they could stay there together forever. Unbeknownst to the two of them they would share a million more moments together like that. The two of them belonged together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed, sorry if this was a disappointment. I have no expertise of romance or dates. This was a shot in the dark.  
> I had a sadder chapter planned but I thought I’d take a break from torturing matt for a few chapters.
> 
> Have a great day; )


	8. Stories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvie finds the answer to one of her questions when she least expects to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really sorry for the delay. I sort of hit a wall when writing this story, I rewrote this chapter at least five times and it always felt rushed.  
> In the end I split it up into smaller chapters, I hope it’s not a disappointment.
> 
> Thanks for the comments.
> 
> Please enjoy.

Two wonderful months had passed since Matt and Sylvie’s first date. During that time Sylvie had successfully returned to work and the new couple had been on many more magnificent dates. Everyone at fifty one had seen a positive change in the couple, Sylvie always wore a bright smile and there was a warm glow in her eyes. And Matt was the happiest Kelly had ever seen him since before Hallie’s death, which was huge relief. There was a time when he thought he’d never see Matt smile again, Seeing the blonde so content felt like a dream.

Sylvie had learnt a lot about the blonde firefighter over the past two months, she’d learnt about his family and instantly understood why he had always been so closed off. But she’d learnt about more than just the tragedies he’d suffered, she’d learnt that he could play the piano, that he tugged on his sleeve when he was nervous, that he had a small scar on his ankle from falling off his bike when he was seven and that he’d never been on a plane. With every quirky new detail she learnt about the man the stronger her love for him became.

Brett was pulled out of her musings by the sound of the alarm, even though she’d been back at work for over a month it still sent a jolt of panic through her every time. A small frown tugged at the corners of her mouth as she realised only the ambulance had been called out, ever since the stabbing she was filled with dread every time she and Emily left the station alone. Fortunately they hadn’t received any calls in the same area the horrific incident occurred in yet, she was afraid of how she would react when she would have to inevitably face her demons. She didn’t want anyone to think she couldn’t cope, her neves never got in the way of working, she was fine. So what if her heart hammered in her chest every time the ambulance pulled out of the station? It wasn’t interfering with her job. She knew Casey could see through the facade but he hadn’t said anything yet, instead he flashed her a warm smile whenever she headed towards the ambulance and wished her good luck in a warm tone that made her wish he could go with her, sadly he had his own job to do and she knew she couldn’t spend the rest of her life relying on him for everything. 

-

Within minutes Brett and Foster were jumping out of the ambulance and racing inside a cozy family home, as soon as they stepped into the small hallway they could hear a child crying. They followed the heartbreaking sound further into the house until they found a woman unconscious on the floor with a little boy sat next to her sobbing uncontrollably. 

Swiftly Sylvie and Emily got to work checking over the lady, who was beginning to regain consciousness. As they checked the woman over they noticed a bright blue bracelet on the woman’s wrist which informed them she was epileptic. As Sylvie turned towards the little boy she spotted a mobile phone by his feet, Sylvie was amazed when she realised he must have been the one to call 9-1-1. Once Brett was confident Foster had the situation under control she turned to her attention to the distraught child.  
“Hey sweetie, everything is going to be ok, can you tell me your name?” She inquired softly.  
“G-George” stuttered the boy.  
“Hi George I’m Sylvie, we’re going to take your mum to the hospital. Have you ever been in an ambulance before?” Asked Sylvie with a soft smile as she attempted to calm the poor boy. George shook his head causing his curly brown hair to flop into his eyes, Sylvie felt her heart bursting as she watched angelic the little boy. After loading the woman into the ambulance Sylvie held her out which George hastily accepted, his sobs were replaced by hiccups as she guided the small boy inside the ambulance. 

When they arrived at the hospital the George’s mother was quickly whisked away leaving Brett and George behind. After spotting the paramedic Maggie steadily approached the little boy who was still holding tightly onto Brett’s hand.  
“Hi Maggie this is George” informed Brett in a tender tone.  
“Hey there George, do you want to come with me?” Questioned Maggie gently but George hid behind Sylvie’s leg in response.  
“Maggie’s really nice, she’ll take good care of you” promised Sylvie in a soothing voice but the boy shook his head as gripped her hand tightly.  
“Stay” he mumbled as he looked up at her with big blue eyes. Sylvie felt her heart clench at the frightened little boy, she silently vowed not to leave him until she knew he was safe and happy.  
“Ok sweetie I’m not going anywhere” she comforted and relief instantly flashed across the boys face. 

The waiting room was kind and chaotic which only worsened the boy’s s fear, Sylvie could feel him shaking as he clutched onto her hand.  
“Why don’t you take him into the staff room?” Suggested Maggie as she observed George clinging on to Brett. As they stepped into the peaceful break room Brett felt the boys hand relax in hers and his shaking began to stop. She led him over to the sofa in the corner of the room and crouched down in front of him.  
“I want my daddy” mumbled George as a fresh wave of tears streamed down his face.  
“Don’t worry I’m sure he’ll be here soon” comforted Sylvie feeling guilt rise in her chest as she realised she had no idea whether her statement was true or not, she wasn’t even sure if George’s father had been called yet. When George began to huddle in on himself an idea popped into her head.  
“Hey George, I’ll be right back ok, I just need to talk to someone” informed Sylvie before swiftly exiting the room.

Quickly Sylvie dashed into the waiting room and towards a small table in the corner where a variety of books were scattered all over the table. She rummaged through the mountain of books until she finally found a brightly coloured story book, there was a picture of a forest and a strange looking creature on the front. As she studied at the cover she felt something niggling at her, there was something strangely familiar about the book. Knowing George was waiting for her she shook away the odd feeling and headed back to the waiting room.  
“Hi George, do you like stories?” Asked Sylvie gently as she sat down next to him, a smile tugged at the corners of her mouth when the boy gave her a soft nod. When she began to read out the book in a funny voice like her dad used to when she was little the room filled with George’s cheerful laughter. Sylvie felt relief roll over her at the joyous sound, she had hated seeing the boy so sullen before. With every page she turned the boy shifted closer and closer towards her, until eventually he was firmly pressed into her side. She wrapped an arm protectively around George as she turned another page, as her eyes landed on the furry monster covering the page she gasped in realisation. She remembered exactly where’s she’d seen the unique creature before. 

-

Shortly after they finished the story Maggie had appeared with a distressed looking man, instantly George jumped to his feet and launched himself into the man’s arms while excitedly yelling “Daddy”. The man hoisted George onto hip before affectionately brushing the curls out of his sons piercing blue eyes. Watching the way the little boy clung his father while the man mumbled gentle reassurances made her heart glow. She was overjoyed to see that George had someone to keep him safe. When George’s father thanked her repeatedly Sylvie responded that it was no big deal. If George was her son she would have wanted to know someone was looking after him during such a stressful time. 

The rest of her shift was long and exhausting, much to her dismay she didn’t get even a single second to talk to Matt; their paths never crossed as they were both overwhelmed with call’s. When the long tiresome shift eventually came to an end Sylvie tiredly headed outside of the station, her eyes scanned the surrounding area until they finally landed on the blonde firefighter who was waiting patiently for her.  
“Hi” she greeted happily.  
“Hey, Are you doing anything today?” He asked in a warm voice as he wrapped a gentle arm around her shoulders. Despite Matt’s bright smile Sylvie could see he was just as tired as she was.  
“Nope” she responded eager to find out what the blonde had in mind.  
“Kelly’s spending the day with Stella do you want to come over?”  
“I’d love to” she replied without a moments thought.

That’s how they ended up sprawled out on the sofa together watching some film Matt had never heard of before. The warm pressure of Sylvie leant against his chest made his heart soar, holding her in his arms made him forget all about the tough shift he just had. He wasn’t even concentrating on the movie, his attention was glued to the blonde paramedic, he loved listening to the sound of her laugh and watching the way she scrunched up her nose during in the sad scenes. Matt could stare at her for hours and never get bored, there was something about her presence that made him feel like the happiest person on earth. The last couple of months had been amazing but he knew Sylvie had been finding them hard, she tried to hide it from everyone but he could tell the stabbing was still weighing heavily on her mind. But he wanted to give her time to open up, so for now he focused on making sure she knew she could always turn to him.

“There was a little boy today at work, his mother had a seizure and we got to the hospital he wouldn’t let go of my hand” began Sylvie wistfully as she broke their comfortable silence. Matt raised an eyebrow and waited for her to continue.  
“He was extremely upset, so to calm him down I read to him” she informed smiling fondly at the memory of how the little boy clung to her. Matt smiled at her words, he loved how good she was with children it made him wonder if they’d ever be talking about their own children one day.  
“The book I read, I’d never heard of it before but George loved it, it was called the Gruffalo”informed Sylvie and instantly Matt blanched. The firefighter stared out emptily into the distance as he allowed himself to gather his thoughts. He’d been expecting to have this conversation soon but he still wasn’t sure if he was ready. It was a story he never even told Gabby , when she asked about the strange tattoo on his chest or the book under his bed he’d always respond with a small shake of his before saying “not today”. 

Wordlessly Matt gently shifted Sylvie off of him and then proceeded to stand up, Sylvie remained frozen as she watched the blonde pad out of the room. Regret washed over her and she wished she could take her statement back. She’d thought he finally felt comfortable opening up to her, she hated to think she was wrong.

Matt headed into his room and he speedily retrieved a small book from underneath his bed, the Gruffalo. Shakily Matt exhaled, it was time to tell Sylvie about his tattoo. The story about one of the last happy moments he spent with Hallie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed.  
> Thank you for reading.


	9. Finding the Gruffalo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How the Gruffalo came into Matt’s life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for being an unreliable writer/ updater.  
> This is definitely my hardest story to write, I struggle with writing relationships but I enjoy the challenge. But consequently it takes longer to write. And if I want to write to relax I tend to prefer to add to my other stories.   
> Also lately I haven’t had the concentration for writing, so I haven’t really written anything this week until today.  
> Sorry for the rambling, just thought you deserved an explanation for the lack of updates.  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter, even if it’s a bit short. Hope it’s not a disappointment.

Sullenly Sylvie held her heads in her hands, everything had been going so well, why did she have to open her mouth? She’d known she was broaching a sensitive subject but naively she believed Matt trusted her enough to open up. Her heart was aching with regret when Suddenly she felt the sofa dip. Hesitantly she looked up to see Matt smiling warmly at her. As she stared at him in disbelief she noticed his hands were clasping the same book she read George, except this one was in nearly pristine condition.  
“Matt I-“ she began apologetically but she stopped when Matt gave a small shake of his head.  
“I’m Sorry for walking off, I wanted to retrieve the book before I could chicken out” explained Matt. He hated to think that he made Sylvie worry, when he’d left the room earlier his brain had been operating on autopilot.  
“That’s ok, I’m sorry for prying” she continued in a gentle voice but once again Matt shook his head.  
“You didn’t pry” he replied softly. Her caring nature never ceased to amaze him, she truly was a beautiful soul; Matt had no idea what he did to deserve her.

When Matt stared back down at the book in his hands a deep frown appeared on his face.  
“I-I’ve let Hallie down”,  
“No you haven’t Matt, I’m -“ began Sylvie her voice was a mix of fear and sadness, she was terrified that Matt felt like them being together was unfair to Hallie’s memory. She was afraid that he was going to push her away again. But she needn’t worry.  
“I don’t talk about her anymore. She doesn’t deserve to be forgotten” stated Matt guilt laced his words. Hallie was an amazing vibrant person she lived a life that deserved to be remembered but she never had children and her parents had passed away recently, As the person who knew her best in the world it was Matt’s duty to ensure her memory lived on, it was a responsibility he’d he’d ignored for a very long time. Sometimes Matt even wished he could forget ever meeting Hallie because the pain of knowing he’d never see her again felt unbearable. For years the only times he’d talk about Hallie was during his darkest moments, the days when the darkness in his heart threatened to take over. But Hallie deserved to be more than a sad memory, instead of only focusing on the battle she lost he should’ve been remembering the life she lived. Instead of thinking about the endless hospital visits he should’ve of been reminiscing about their trip to the beach, the day they met, their last walk in the park together. For far too long he’d locked away his memories of Hallie. In the past when he did finally gather the courage to talk about Hallie Gabby had gotten annoyed, she hated to think about Matt with Hallie, and after Anna’s death talking about Hallie to Kelly never felt right.

“It’s hard to talk about her, I get that and Hallie would too” Sylvie comforted as she place her hand gently on his arm before continuing,  
“But if you want to you can always talk to me about her”. As Matt stared out emptily into distance Sylvie began to wonder if her words had fallen on deaf ears, until all of the sudden Matt’s voice broke the silence that had fallen over them.  
“She used to love to read l, but as her condition worsened she often struggled to focus on the words. So I would read to her instead” explained matt fondly as he subconsciously leaned closer towards Brett. The blonde paramedic began stroking his arm soothing as she patiently waited for Matt to proceed.  
“On our way home from the hospital, for the.... for the last time we stopped at her favourite book store. She wasn’t doing so good, I managed to help her into the store but she was barely keeping herself upright. I suggested we go home but she didn’t want to” Matt recounted with a sad smile, Hallie always was the most stubborn person he’d ever met -the second being Kelly- even when her illness was at its most aggressive she still did her best to stop it from controlling her life.   
“I think we both knew it was going to be the last time she ever went out” revealed Matt not caring if Sylvie heard the cracks in his voice.   
Instinctively Sylvie wrapped her arms around the firefighter. She hated seeing Matt so distraught but she was also relieved that Matt was finally letting out some of the emotions he’d been hiding from her.   
“We had been there for a while and I could she see was getting tired, finally I managed to convince her to sit down”, all of the sudden a lightness appeared in Matt’s voice and a bright sparkle glistened in his eyes as he recalled what happened next.  
“But then she turns to me with this mischievous smile and said “close your eyes” I just gaped at her. I wasn’t in the mood for messing around I just wanted to get her home safe. But I did it anyway because I wanted her to be happy, she then told me to start walking. When I began to protest she promised she would warn me before I hit anything. I trusted her with my life so of course I did it. Everyone else in the shop must have thought we were strange” chuckled Matt.  
“After a while she told me to stop whenever I felt like it. Then she told me to grab the first book in front of me when i opened my eyes”, subconsciously Matt tightened his grip on the book in his hands.  
“And it was the Gruffalo, I looked at it and immediately started laughing. We were nowhere near the children’s section, someone must have picked it up, but then changed their mind and left it there”, Matt remembered feeling angry for a split a second, out of all the books on the shelf he picked the one that wasn’t supposed to be there, the one that reminded him of the life he and Hallie could never have together.  
“At some point I must have started crying because next thing I knew Hallie had stumbled towards me and she pulled me into a hug before bursting into tears.  
“We should’ve been buying books to read to our children not to read to her on her death bed” sobbed Matt as Sylvie tightened her embrace.  
“I went to put it back but Hallie told me it was meant to be, so it became our book. Whenever she was having a really hard day I’d read it to her, most people would probably see it as silly but it used to help us forget everything, sometimes as we flipped through the pages I’d imagine a world where we were reading it to our children”. At Matts admission a few stray tears leaked out of Sylvie’s eyes, Matt truly was a wonderful person but he’d been through so much pain, she’d do anything to take it away from him.  
“I was reading it to her when she” Matt gulped as he willed himself the furnish his sentence,  
“When she passed”. Abruptly tears began to cascade down matts face as he gave into the emotions he’d been hiding for far to long. Instantly Sylvie pulled him closer towards her and Matt allowed his body to fall against hers. He rested his head on her shoulder as he allowed his tears to fall freely . As she held him tightly gently stroking his hair he felt safe. Despite the grief filling his heart he no longer felt like he was drowning.

Eventually Matts eyelids began to droop and the sound of his steady breathing filled the room. The blonde firefighter was still lead against Sylvie as she carded her fingers through his hair. After a while when she was sure no more tears were going to fall she wiped away the few remaining ones clinging onto the blonde’s face.  
“I love you Matt Casey” she whispered before pressing a kiss to the top of his head . As she listened to his soft snores she realised she never wanted to let him go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed.
> 
> Hope it didn’t disappoint.  
> Thank you so much for your comments.


	10. Refuge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sylvie is introduced to a place close to Matt’s heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi sorry for the delay in updating.  
> I tried to write some chapters for this story before starting back at school but I hit a wall. And then I got carried away with another story. But I promise to try to be better at balancing my time between stories.  
> Please let me know if there are any big errors, I proof read several times but I know my grammar still needs a lot of work.
> 
> Hope you enjoy.

Gently Sylvie knocked on the door of Matt’s office, it was nearly the end of shift and due to the high volume of calls she hadn’t been able to have a proper conversation with the blonde firefighter all shift. Things between her and Matt were still going good, but since he told her about the Gruffalo she felt like he was distancing himself again. However this time it wasn’t just her he was pushing away, he spent all of his time in his office and rarely spent anytime with anyone from fifty-one when they weren’t on call. As expected Kelly had also noticed the blonde’s behaviour, but now even Hermann and Boden had started asking her if there were something going on with Matt. After a few minutes of silence she finally heard Matts voice calling her in.  
“Hey what are you doing later today?” She asked cheerfully but Casey didn’t look up from his desk. Even as he continued working she could see the bags underneath his eyes, it was clear he had something on his mind and she was terrified that it would lead to their relationship ending.  
“I’ve got a construction job and then I was going to go lend a hand at the community centre again” explained Casey in a weary voice, she gave a small nod of understanding but it went unnoticed by the tired man. Matt had been volunteering at the local community centre a lot lately and Brett was starting to wonder if Casey was using it as an excuse to hide away from her.  
“Why don’t I come with you?”, at her words the blonde man suddenly looked up at her with a strange expression.  
“You don’t have to” Matt replied softly, surprisingly his tone wasn’t dismissive or distant in fact he almost sounded sad, it was as if he was preparing himself for rejection.  
“But I want to” she explained and she felt her heart clench as she looked at the happy expression on Matt’s face, maybe he wasn’t hiding from her after all. Perhaps there was something else going on that had nothing to do with her; in that moment she made it her mission to find out what was causing him such pain.  
“I’m lucky to have you” he smiled but before she could respond the alarms went off and they both leapt into action. Quiet moments never lasted long in fifty-one.

-  
Later that day they found themselves standing outside the community centre, the paint was faded and it certainly looked like it had seen better days, but a brightly coloured mural by the door proved that despite its dilapidated state it was a place of comfort and happiness for many. Matt remembered the first time he saw the place when he was ten years old, he remembered frowning in distaste before turning around but before he could get too far a kind man stepped out of the building, it had been his teacher front school the very person who recommended the centre to Matt. He’d originally resented his teacher for even suggesting it; he was fine and he didn’t need anyone’s help. But his teacher had believed the centre would benefit him, as Matt had been struggling with homework and was frequently in and out of trouble, his teacher had also rightfully suspected his home life wasn’t as happy as it seemed. Matt had refused to go to the centre for weeks but one day when he found himself not wanting to go home he finally gave in. From that day on the Centre became Matt’s safe place to go after school , it was somewhere he could get help with his homework and actually relax without fear of upsetting his parents. For four years It had been his place of refuge, Matt spent a few hours there most evenings after school until his home life took a turn for the worst. He ended up living with his aunt who lived half an hour away from the centre but that was really just an excuse. The truth was that after what his mother did was plastered all over the local news Matt didn’t feel like he’d be able to show his face there again. All he had wanted to do was forget what happened he didn’t need to be hounded by nosy people asking questions. Ironically that was the time in his life when he needed the centre the most but instead of seeking help he withdrew from the rest of the world. It wasn’t until he met two mischievous future firefighters that Matt finally started to live again. The years between his fathers death and joining the academy were incredibly lonely and bleak, his dream of being a firefighter was the only thing that kept him going.

“It seems like a really sweet place” commented Sylvie as she watched Matt carefully, heAs wearing an uneasy expression but once she spoke he seemed to relax, she could already tell how much the centre meant to Matt, she wondered if that’s why he’d been so secretive about it.  
“Yeah it is, it used to be a lot nicer when I was kid but they’ve had a lot of problems with funding recently, it’s at risk of being shut down”, Sylvie quirked an eyebrow at the man’s explanation, she’d suspected he’d been there as a child but she never expected him to admit it, his childhood was something he shared very little about. She knew what his mother did but that was literally all she knew, she didn’t even know why Nancy Casey did what she did but she could make a guess and it left her feeling strangely protective of Matt.  
“You used to come here as a kid?” She asked hoping it would prompt the blonde into telling her more.  
“Yeah I did, home was-“ as he paused his mouth was pulled into a tight line, she could see the conflict in his eyes as he tried to decide what to say, she could tell he was torn between being honest and distancing himself.  
“Well it wasn’t always the best place to be, Christie often went out with her own friends and I was left on my own. I caused a lot of trouble and I got in more than my fair share of fights, I had friends but their houses weren’t exactly great either” rambled Matt nervously. Sylvie nodded as she tried to think about what to say, she never quite knew how to respond to his confessions about his turbulent childhood, she wanted Matt to know she cared but she didn’t want to risk sounding patronising. Finally she settled on tentatively reaching out and holding the firefighters hand.  
“I’m glad you had somewhere safe to go” she admitted as she gently squeezed his hand. 

As they walked into the building Sylvie they were met by the loud sounds of children laughing and playing. The main part of the centre was a large room with small tables dotted around each with different activities like painting and drawing, there was even one table for children doing their homework . At the back of the hall were four large windows that looked onto a small outside area where a group of kids were stood by a basketball hoop talking. The centre was full of kids of various ages, the youngest children were about six or seven years old and Sylvie guessed they were probably brought along by older siblings, Sylvie didn’t think any of the kids were older than fifteen. A few seconds later Sylvie noticed a woman who was probably in her early fifties approaching, she had short brown hair that flowed down to her shoulders and she wore a bright smile.  
“Hey Matt good to see you, and this wonderful lady must be Sylvie, I’m Terri” greeted the woman, and Sylvie’s heart swelled at the indication that Matt often talked about her,  
“Nice to meet you Terri” replied Sylvie with a beautiful smile of her own, Matt opened his mouth to speak but he was stopped by someone calling his name. The three adults turned to see a young boy about eleven years old running towards them.  
“Hey Tommy, how are you?” Asked Matt when the boy came to a stop just in front of them, he was grinning brightly and he was excitedly bouncing on his feet.  
“Good,Come on we were just starting another game of basketball” explained the boy as he gestured to the group of boys waiting outside.  
“I’ll be there in a second” promised Matt before turning back towards Sylvie. A small frown appeared on the boys face as he continued to bounce up and down waiting patiently for Matt.  
“Go, you don’t want to keep them waiting any longer”, immediately the boys face lit up at her words and Sylvie found herself filled with a warm glow, it was clear how much Matt meant to the boy.  
“Thank you” Matt mouthed before following Tommy outside, Sylvie heard a small chorus of cheers once Matt stepped outside. She spent the next few minutes observing Matt. It was clear this was a regular occurrence by the way the boys all talked and interacted with Matt with ease. He’d watch out for the smaller kids and ensure they were all getting involved in the game, while still making sure the older ones got to muck about and play to the best of their ability. It was times like these Sylvie found herself wondering if Matt would have gone into teaching if he hadn’t become a firefighter, he rarely opened up with adults and had a tendency to keep to himself but when it came to children he was like a different person. On calls involving children they were often comforted by the man’s calm demeanour, it allowed him to swiftly earn their trust.  
“Those boys really do love Matt” admitted Terri as she stood next to Sylvie.  
“I’m not surprised, he’s great with kids”,it was one of the many things Sylvie loved about Matt. Watching matt confirmed what she already knew, Matt was destined to be a father and she wanted nothing more than to be the person he started a family with.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was on the fence about posting this chapter, I wasn’t sure if people would enjoy it. After so long between the last update I felt like I should’ve written a chapter with more fluff but I was concerned it would feel like a random one shot, so instead I decided to keep this chapter as it helps the story progress better.  
> I promise more fluff and lovely Brettsey moments to come.
> 
> Any criticism or suggestions welcome. I greatly appreciate your support so far. Have a wonderful day, thank you for reading.


	11. Worries

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt finally confides in Sylvie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is short and not very detailed, it’s just a small chapter to let you know I haven’t abandoned this story.
> 
> Please enjoy.
> 
> Thanks for your support and if there are any big mistakes just let me know, I greatly appreciate it.

Sylvie had been watching Matt out the window for a while until she noticed a bunch of younger children sat around a table in the corner of the room drawing. Hesitantly she moved away from the window and slowly approached the table feeling drawn to the joyful laughter coming from the children. She sat herself down on one of hard uncomfortable plastic stools. Instantly some of the children smiled broadly at her and began talking excitedly to her, they were . However one little girl seemed to huddle in on herself. Sylvie listened as the more confident children launched in to stories about their artwork. When the other children began talking cheerfully among themselves again She smiled at the small girl who was yet to utter a single word.  
“Hi, that’s a very pretty flower” she said softly as she looked at the brightly coloured flower decorated with bright pink glitter.  
“Thank you” the girl replied timidly before returning Sylvie’s smile. 

Sylvie quickly understood why Matt loved the place so much. She loved being around kids but when it came to interacting with children during work it was often during an extremely tense situation, it was refreshing to be able to work with children without having to deal with the heavy burden of life or death.   
“Are you a firefighter like Matt?” The little girl asked with a hopeful sparkle in her eyes. Before Sylvie could respond a little boy cut in.   
“Girls can’t be firefighters” he proclaimed loudly and something seemed to change in the girl, Her gaze became steely as she frowned at the loud boy.  
“Yes they can!” she declared in a stern voice Sylvie didn’t think possible for an adorable little girl.  
“No they can’t”,  
“Actually I’m a paramedic, I help make people better” cut in Sylvie calmly before the situation could escalate. Instantly a smirk appeared on the boys face,  
“Told you so” he sneered before poking out his tongue causing the little girls frown to deepen.  
“But my friend Stella is a firefighter”, with those words the little girls eyes immediately lit up.  
“She is” she gasped happiness evident in her tone. The little girls cheerfulness brought a warmth into Sylvie’s heart.  
“Yep and she’s one of the best I know”. The little girl who she now knew was called Charlie continued to ask her questions and Sylvie happily answered them. She adored the way Charlie’s smile broadened with every story she told. she saved people daily but she’d never felt like a hero until Charlie looked at her in wonder, and declared she wanted to grow up to save people just like her. 

-

“You’re a natural they really like you” complimented Terri when she came over to help Sylvie tidy away all the arts and crafts equipment. Most of the younger kids had started to leave or had switched to less messy activities like reading.   
“Oh I love looking after kids”, she’d always been good with children, she may have not had younger siblings but she used to spend a lot of her time babysitting when she was growing up.   
“You’re good for him” admitted Terri as she looked over at Matt who was talking to a group of boys.   
“I uh- thank you” Sylvie stuttered, she hoped Terri didn’t notice that she was starting to blush. She’d never met any of Matt’s family or close friends( apart from Kelly), Terri was the first person she’d met who wasn’t from fifty one that meant a lot to Matt. She felt a need to earn Terri’s approval, she wanted to prove to Matt how much she cared about him.   
“I never met Hallie but I know how much she meant to him, I’m glad he’s not alone anymore”,   
“Me too”.

-  
“Hey”, a voice called and Sylvie turned to see Matt running towards her with a tense expression.  
“Didn’t think I’d ever get you back?” She laughed and Matt cracked a small smile but his tension didn’t appear to ease.  
“They’re a handful but they’re good kids”. Sylvie opened her mouth but before she could speak Matt walked passed her. He moved with the same sense of purpose he did while working on shift.   
“Hey Terri have you seen Parker?”  
“No sorry Matt I think you just missed him” the woman responded softly with a sad smile that made Sylvie wonder if she knew something she didn’t. As Sylvie watched Matt carefully she realised she’d heard the name Parker recently, she was pretty sure she’d treated a young boy recently on one of their calls. She watched helplessly as Matt dropped defeatedly onto a nearby stool and held his head in his hands,  
“Damn it”. Sylvie wasted no time in sitting down next to Matt and delicately reaching out and squeezing his arm. Slowly his tension began to ease and he looked up, his crystal blue eyes meeting hers.  
“Parker, the boy from the house fire last week?”   
“Yeah, he brings his sister Charlie here after school most days. But he normally goes off somewhere else and picks her up later in the evening”, explained Matt and Sylvie felt relief run through her. They were finally at a point where Matt trusted her enough to share his problems, which was something she once feared would never happen.   
“I met Charlie she seems like a really sweet kid”,  
“They both are, but this is only the third they've been here since the fire, and every time Parker takes off before anyone can talk to him”, she could tell by the heaviness in Matt’s tone that the blonde was deeply concerned.   
“You think there’s something going on?” She questioned as she gently rested her head on his shoulder.   
“I know there is”,  
“What are you planning to do when you see him?”,  
“I don’t know, at least try to persuade him to come inside”  
“Have you tried contacting children’s services?”  
“They can’t do anything based on a hunch, they need something more conclusive” the firefighter sighed. He sounded more worried by the second. It wasn’t often the blonde let his emotions slip into his tone so easily, his concern over Parker was clearly stronger than she’d originally thought. She remembered the fire but she hadn’t found anything about it suspicious, it had been a small kitchen fire that spread into the living room of the house; it was supposedly caused by someone accidentally leaving a tea towel on the stove, it was the sort of fire they encountered often. But if Matt believed there was something bad going on then she did too .   
“Well if you don’t mind I’d like to come here with you again, you’re not on your own” she assured him and she felt her heart glow when Matt pulled her into a warm hug.   
“I love you” 

Matt wasn’t alone anymore, Sylvie would always be right by his side supporting him however she could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The reason I’ve taken so long updating is because I was on the fence about this chapter.
> 
> I was worried the Parker and Charlie story would be too similar to Louie or Bria. But I thought it fitted the story quite well so I eventually decided to follow my gut, 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed.
> 
> Have a great day.


	12. Donations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt tried his best to help someone who reminds him of the person he used to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi sorry I took my time again. I accidentally lost a few of drafts for this and then lost my motivation.  
> This chapter felt clunky to write, in a way it’s more of a summary telling you more about the new characters.
> 
> Any advice welcome. Thank you for all your wonderful comments, o really appreciate them. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy.

The following week every time Matt went to the centre he was accompanied by Sylvie. There was still no sign of Parker but Charlie really seemed to be warming up to the blonde paramedic. Matt had tried in the past to speak to the little girl but she always seemed wary of him; when he did ask her questions her answers always sounded rehearsed , as if someone had taught her exactly what to say. Her behaviour was eerily familiar, he remembered his mom coaching him on what to say before school. He remembered repeating a fake story to her about running into a door over and over until she was confident he wouldn’t mess up. Even with his mother’s help his teachers never did appear to believe his excuses but there was never much they could do. He often wondered what his life would be like if he’d let the truth slip. Maybe his mother wouldn’t have spent over a decade staring at the same four walls every day. Maybe his family wouldn’t have been torn into pieces.Matt didn’t want Parker to live with that same feeling of regret. 

It had been three weeks since the fire that firstly raised Matt’s suspicions. Every night Matt found himself replaying the call in his head in a desperate bid for answers.On paper the fire was nothing out of ordinary, and everyone involved had escaped with minimal injuries meaning there wasn’t a real reason for anyone to investigate. Parker had sustained a minor burn on his arm while saving a little boy Matt presumed was his younger brother. The boy he heard being referred to as Tommy was about two years old, which was probably why’d he never seen him at the centre before. The existence of the little boy explained why Parker never stuck around at the centre anymore, he was too busy looking after his little brother. Matt had found it odd at first that Charlie never mentioned Tommy but come to think of it she never talked about her home life ; she didn’t even mention Parker unless asked questions about him. The young girl hadn’t been present during the fire she’d been at school which was where Parker should’ve been, Matt wondered if missing school was a regular occurrence for the boy. The children’s mother hadn’t been present either apparently she’d popped to the store quickly, a neighbour had called her after the fire and she turned up a few minutes before fifty one left the scene. But the woman didn’t really seem that concerned. She almost seemed bored by the whole thing, it was as if her children's safety was an inconvenience. The way Parker nervously eyed his mother sent shivers down Matt’s spine, he could practically feel the fear radiating off the boy. The blonde didn’t understand how no one else could sense it. They all brought into the story that Parker had attempted to cook soup while his mother was out shopping. But the look in Parker’s eyes told him otherwise. Matt had raised his concerns to Boden but the man believed his opinion was being clouded by his own personal experiences. Maybe he was emotionally involved but that didn’t mean he was wrong. He didn’t care what anyone said he wasn’t to go give up. 

-

Matt was clearing away some of the board games the children had been playing with when he heard a familiar voice, he turned around to see Parker stood in the doorway of the centre,  
“Charlie lets go” the boy called as he looked over at his sister who was talking happily to Sylvie. The last few weeks had clearly taken a toll on the boy, there were dark bruises underneath his eyes and his clothes hung off his lanky form even more than usual.  
“Hey Parker!” Greeted Matt slowly approaching the teen .When Parkers eyes landed on Matt the colour ran out of his face and his body stiffened.  
“Come on Charlie we’ve got to go” he shouted again causing Charlie to look up in alarm before hurrying towards them Sylvie following close behind.  
“Parker wait, how are you and your family doing? I’m really sorry about the fire” Matt said and the boy immediately sent him an anger filled glare.  
“We’re fine thanks” he snapped as he draped an arm over Charlie’s shoulders and pulled her closer towards him.  
“You know if you ever need anything we’re here”,  
“Yeah right” Parker scoffed before starting to walk away but he stopped abruptly when Charlie turned back towards Sylvie with a bright smile.  
“Will you be here tomorrow?” She asked in a hopeful tone that melted both Matt’s and Sylvie’s hearts.  
“Yep I promise I’ll be here whenever I'm not on shift” replied Sylvie and Matt smiles at the happinesses lacing her voice. He felt like the luckiest person in the world to have Sylvie by his side. He knew that just like him she wasn’t going to turn her backs on Charlie and her brothers. They weren't going to let them down. 

-

After their run in with Parker the boy stopped coming into the centre he’d linger on the outskirts of the car park, he was normally alone but sometimes he was accompanied by Thomas. The toddler was always wrapped up in Parkers thick jacket that was far too big for him, therefore leaving the teen in nothing but a thin sweater. Which was why Matt was in the centres store room searching through two big boxes full of donated clothes. The centre accepted donations for exactly this reason, it was quite a poor area and often the kids at the centre were in need of news shoes or a coat for winter, but couldn’t afford to buy anything.  
“Any luck?” Asked a gentle voice pulling Matt’s attention away from the piles of clothes. Matt turned to look at Sylvie and give her a small shake of his head. Sylvie wasted no time in joining him on on the floor and raking through he donations.  
“Are there any girls shoes? I think Charlie’s are a bit too small for her”,  
“Yeah, try the small blue box over there” he responded before continuing his search.  
Finally after twenty minutes they managed to find everything they needed, a pink pair of shoes with bows on the front and a green coat decorated with little blue dinosaurs. Matt understood what it felt like to grow up in a household where money was tight but he couldn’t shake the feeling that financial issues weren’t the only problems in the children’s lives. But at least for now they could ensure the children were warm and comfy during the harsh winter starting to approach.

The next day before Charlie could run off home Matt called her back,  
“Hey Charlie could you give this to your brother for me?” He asked kindly as he held out a blue carrier bag containing the items they’d found the previous day. But to Matt’s surprise Charlie frowned,  
“Parker says we’re not supposed to take things from people”.  
“But were not strangers and it’s completely free” explained Sylvie calmly as she approached the girl. But Charlie simply shook her head.  
“Ok, we’ll ask Parker and see if he’ll make an exception” responded Matt, fortunate Charlie’s expression brightened at his words. They followed the girl outside when she ran to meet her brother. Matt almost chuckled when the boy rolled his eyes as soon as they came in to view.  
“Oh god, what do you want now?” Parker sighed as he readjusted Tommy on his hip, Matt really had no idea how the boy managed to carry Tommy for as long as he did. The toddler seemed capable of walking as he had done on the few warmer days they had recently. But on cold days like this one Tommy was always carried. Matt wondered if it was due to the fact the little boy was unable to walk properly while he was wearing Parker’s jacket.  
“We just want to help” smiled Matt softly .  
“Uh Huh” scoffed Parker and Matt did his best to suppress a sigh. Parker’s attitude reminded him so much of himself that it made his blood run cold, he desperately wanted to know what demons were tormenting the teen and he hoped they were nothing like the ones he faced growing up.  
“Please for Tommy and Charlie ”, Matt attempted to pass him the bag but Parker stepped back before replying in an angrier tone,  
“We don't need your charity”.  
“Parker theres no shame in accepting help” ,  
“We don’t -“ the boy paused when Tommy started squirming in his arms. Matt’s heart ached as he watched Parker look at his little brother and sister with a tense expression; it was painfully obvious that they meant to world him and he was doing everything he could for them.  
“Ok” Parker whispered quietly as if he didn’t really want Matt to hear him. The teen then hesitantly held out his hand and Matt wasted no time in passing the bag over. Parker peered into the bag as best he could while still carrying Tommy.  
“Here, let me”, gently Matt took the bag back and pulled out the small green coat, while Parker unwrapped his brother from his jacket. The boy then took the item with a grateful expression and helped Tommy into his new coat, it was a little big for him but it was an improvement. Matt felt a warm glow in his chest when Tommy smiled widely after spotting the dinosaur on the front.  
“Thank you” mumbled Parker as he put on his own jacket.  
“Parker we care about you guys ok, if you ever need anything”,  
“Yeah, yeah I know”. And with that he walked off, Tommy still balanced on his hip and Charlie holding tightly onto his hand.  
“He’s one stubborn kid” mused Sylvie as they watched the trio disappear into the distance.  
“That’s what terrifies me”,  
“We’re going to look out for them Matt I promise”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed.  
> I was hesitant to go this route, as there’s quite a few stories like this already and I was worried it would be annoying for you as a reader. Sorry if I sound selfish but this is what felt right for me.
> 
> Any advice welcome, thank you so much for all your support it means a lot.
> 
> I know tommy seems shoe horned in but I couldn’t work out how to add him in the previous chapter. As they’re quite a private family it seemed right for Matt to not know a lot about him. 
> 
> (I know this seems like I’m deviating from Brettsey centric but i promise this will always be a Brettsey story, I’m just laying the groundwork for future chapters)
> 
> Have a great day. Thank you for reading.


	13. Walking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Accepting help is never easy but sometimes you don’t have a choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy.  
> Please let me know if there are any big mistakes. Believe it or not I wrote this at the same time as the last chapter but it hadn’t been proofread. Every night this week I sat down to edit but I could barely manage more than a paragraph at a time. Tonight I just decided to get this chapter over with, I feared if I didn’t complete it tonight I never would. 
> 
> Any advice welcome.
> 
> I really appreciate all your kind comments they really mean me a lot to me, thank you. 
> 
> TW- implied child abuse.

Matt smiled softly as he watched Charlie talking to Sylvie, the little girl’s presence had been absent the past few days and they had been starting to worry, until she happily skipped through the door earlier that day. But Matt’s relief slipped away when the time came for Charlie to go home. He’d been speaking to Terri when he heard heart rendering cries coming from outside, Matt stepped outside and furrowed his brow at the scene in front of him. Tommy was sat on the ground sobbing his heart out while Parker attempted calm him down. The boy was knelt down in front of the distraught toddler his back turned to them. Swiftly Matt headed over to the brothers, as he got closer he managed to make out what Parker was saying,  
“I’m sorry Tommy I can’t pick you up today” the boy apologised tiredness evident in his tone.   
“Parker is everything alright?” Called out Matt and he barely managed to conceal his shock when the teen looked up, his lip was split and as Matt looked closer he could see bruising around the boy’s wrists.   
“Yeah we’re fine” replied Parker lamely as if he didn’t even have the energy to lie properly.   
“You sure? You don’t look too good kid , something happen?” Matt asked calmly, if he wanted answers he knew he couldn’t ask exactly what he was thinking, he had to approach the situation carefully.   
“Just a fight at school, I’m alright. Can’t carry Tommy back though, he’s not feeling very well”, Matt didn’t believe that Parker was alright not even for a second but he knew searching for the truth would be pointless; instead of questioning the boy further he turned his attention to the sobbing toddler. His brown hair was plastered against his forehead, a small trail of green goo leaked from his nose and his cheeks were rosy, he was clearly suffering from a horrible cold.  
“Why don’t I help, I can give you a lift?” Offered Matt as he crouched down next to Tommy who was still sat on the floor. Before Matt could get any closer Parker scooped the boy up off the ground and attempted to settle him on his hip, however Parker he let out a hiss of pain when Tommy snuggled into him.  
“No thanks” the fifteen year old bit out as he tried to hide a grimace, he was clearly in more pain than he wanted Matt to know.   
“Let me carry him home then”, as soon as the words left Matt’s mouth Parker pulled his brother closer towards him.   
“No, aren’t there some other kids you can harass”,  
“Parker please let me help” pleaded Matt fearing Parker could collapse any second if he didn’t put Tommy down, the teen was swaying from the side to side and all the colour had drained out of his face . Matt stepped closer towards Parker his hands held up where the teen could see them. The boy’s steely expression began to slip away as he let out another groan of pain.  
“You’ll be beside me the entire time, Tommy is safe I promise”,  
“We don’t live in the same place anymore, it’s a little further away” whispered Parker as he rubbed Tommy’s back, the little boys cries had recently been replaced by sniffles.   
“That’s fine Parker, perhaps Charlie and Sylvie should lead the way” Matt responded before looking over at Sylvie who was stood on the steps of the centre listening to a cheerful Charlie.  
“Tommy do you mind if I pass you over to Matt?” Parked asked softly but the toddler only mumbled softly in response. However it must have been enough for Parker as he delicately passed his brother over to Matt. Immediately the poorly toddler nestled into Matt placing his head on the blonde’s shoulder. As he held Tommy close Matt felt an overwhelming need to protect the little boy and his siblings. 

-

The start of the walk was long and tense for Matt, Parker has been struggling to maintain a steady pace while refusing to talk to Matt. He’d cast glances at his brother every few seconds but would never utter a word. But by the happy laughter coming from Charlie, Matt guessed Sylvie was having better luck. The girls were walking a few steps in front of them, stopping every few minutes to give them chance to catch up.   
“Must have been a nasty a fight” commented Matt after a while but Parker ignored him and stared down at his shoes instead.   
“Did you get your injuries checked out?”,  
“It’s only a few bruises” mumbled Parker. But by the stiffness of his body and the small hisses he’d elicit every so often Matt knew it was a lot more serious than just a couple of bruises.   
“You know I used to live not far from here”, Matt knew he wasn’t going to get a straight answer about Parker’s injuries right then but he hoped he could start to earn the boy’s trust. He believed if Parker knew they weren’t he understood he would begin to open up. However it didn’t seem to be working as the teen stayed silent.   
“I used to go to centre too”,   
“Good for you” remarked they boy as he kicked at the pavement. But Matt knew better than to take offence ; no matter what Parker said he wasn’t going to let the teen push him away.   
“I spoke to Terri I know Tommy is only two but he can come into the centre if you ever feel like sticking around”. Matt had spoken to the woman the previous day and she’d immediately agreed, after all the reason younger children didn’t normally visit the centre was that it wasn’t equipped to look after them, but as Tommy would be accompanied by Parker that fact wasn’t an issue. The boy looked up at Matt a surprised expression on his face,  
“You sure?”  
“Positive” replied Matt and he felt ecstatic when Parker smiled briefly. However the light in the boys eyes disappeared quickly. Instead confusion marked the boy’s features.   
“Why are you doing all of this? We don’t need your help”, the teens words weren’t filled with anger like before, in fact matt would say the boy sounded rather sullen.   
“We care about you”, the boy let out a scoff before looking at him with a steely expression,  
“The house is just over there, I can carry him the rest of the way” informed Parker in a tone devoid of emotion as he gestured to a house at the end of the street. It appeared that Parker had given up on arguing with him. A lump formed in Matt’s throat as he thought about what could have made Parker so adamant that nobody cared about him.   
“Parker we’ve come this far I don’t mind”, the blonde wasn’t ready to leave. Part of Matt wanted to see up close where the children lived the other part was concerned about disturbing Tommy before it was necessary, the little boy had fallen fast asleep a few streets back. Parker sighed and then continued to stumble after his sister. The girl was happily skipping beside Sylvie, and Matt couldn’t help but wonder what Charlie and Sylvie were talking about that made the girl so cheerful.

When they reached a dilapidated house Matt felt Parker’s body tense, unfortunately he had no way of telling if the teens anxiety was due to his fear of Matt judging them or his fear of what awaited him inside, even though neither options were particularly great Matt truly hoped it was the latter. Matt stood on the pavement with Charlie and Sylvie as he watched the boy fumble with the keys before finally pushing the door open. Matt careful walked up the steps of the unstable porch but before he could see inside the house Parker blocked his view. The teen stood in the doorway and reached out for his brother. Reluctantly Matt passed Tommy over to his brother but the little boy didn’t stir, his earlier crying episode must have tired him out. Almost immediately Matt missed the feeling of the boy in his arms, he almost felt like turning around and taking Tommy back. He’d do anything to take the three kids back home right then but he knew Parker would never allow it.   
“Will your mum be home soon?” Asked Matt as he watched Charlie disappear inside the house.   
“I don’t know”. Matt nodded before turning to leave. There was agonising pain in his heart, he felt like he was leaving them in the middle of a war zone. He began to set off down the garden path when a voice interrupted his thoughts.   
“Matt!”, the blonde turned to see Parker staring at him with a thoughtful expression. Matt could practically hear Parker debating with himself on what to say. Until finally the boy spoke again,  
“Thank you”. A warm glow spread across Matt’s chest. Maybe there was hope of getting through to Parker after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> Any advice welcome.
> 
> Have a brilliant day.


	14. Story time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt and Sylvie are met with a surprise at the centre.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I’m really sorry for my slow updating. I designated the past two weeks for focusing on this story as I had no school, but I’ve really struggled writing this recently. This is just a quick chapter to let you know it hasn’t been abandoned. Hope you enjoy 
> 
> Thank you for your support.

A week went by and Jessie continued visiting the centre alone ; two weeks after they walked the kids home as Matt and Sylvie were met with a surprising sight as they entered the centre. Parker was sat in the corner of the room reading to Tommy. But they weren’t alone, a group of the younger children including Charlie listening intently. The firefighter moved close enough to hear Parker clearly and he instantly found himself smiling. Whenever the story switched to a different character the teen would put on a different funny voice, each more ridiculous than the last. Matt had a feeling the boy had done this many times before. Once again he found himself astonished Parker’s love for his siblings, at the age of fifteen Matt knew he would never have spent his time reading fairytales especially out in the open where everyone could see. However Parker distress seem to care. It was becoming apparent that the teen didn’t care about anyone else’s opinions or feelings when it came to his siblings. He was willing to sacrifice everything for their happiness. A chorus of groans and whines sounded through the room when Parker came to the end of the book. The teen looked up and quickly noticed Matt watching him. The teen locked eyes with Matt for a second before sending him a look as if daring him to say something. A few seconds later Parker’s attention was shifted onto a little girl offering him another book to read, he took it without hesitation and resumed, pretending Matt wasn’t there.

Casey turned his attention away from Parker and found himself being called over by a bunch of the younger boys, it didn’t surprise Matt that Parker had stayed away from the other boys he seemed to have a habit of distancing himself. However he never would have anticipated the boy to be such a hit with the younger ones. In fact they stuck by Parker like glue until it was time for them all to start heading off home. 

“Need help getting home?” called Matt before Parker could slip out of the door. Tommy was bundled in his arms and Charlie was skipping happily a few steps behind him. Instantly throb boy stopped in his tracks, he dramatically threw his head back and let out a groan before spinning around to face Matt, a look of annoyance was pasted on his face.  
“We’re fine” he replied a sharp edge to his voice. But Matt wasn’t going to let the boy’s attitude deter him, he knew it was all a facade. The fact Parker was even stood in front of him was proof that a part of the teen no matter how small trusted them.   
“It was Good to see you here kid”.  
“Well you won’t leave us alone so I thought I might as well make things easier for you”, Matt let out a small chuckle, he’d expected nothing less than a sarcastic remark.  
“We care about you Parker”, Matt felt his heart clench as he watched Parker’s face fall and an expression of disbelief flash across his face. With in seconds he regained his steely demeanour.   
“Of course you do” Parker scoffed. Meanwhile Tommy seemed unbothered by his brothers frosty composure and instead he cheekily poked his tongue out at Matt. The toddler erupted into playful giggles when Matt returned the gesture , the little boy was definitely in better health than last time he saw him. Parker watched the exchange in amusement before casting a glance towards his sister. Matt didn’t need to turn around to know that Charlie was happily talking to Sylvie a few feet away from them, the little girls cheerful laughter filled the room. 

Matt then turned his focus back to the stubborn teenager. Every time Parker threw him a sarcastic remark he reminded himself that not so long ago the boy would stand at the edge of the car-park glaring at him, they were making progress. Even if it was taking a long time.   
“So will we see you here again soon?”,  
“Maybe, I mean it wasn’t the worst two hours of my life” answered the boy with a sly smile. He then he looked at the his little brother before adding in a softer tone,  
“And tommy had fun”. Matt couldn’t help the smile that spread across his face, he already knew that from the content expression on Tommy’s face but the fact Parker was willing to admit it meant the world to him.   
“It was Good to see you Parker, you’re welcome back anytime”. The boy didn’t say anything instead he gave him a small nod but to Matt that was more than enough.   
“Goodbye Tommy” he called as he waved to the boy. The soft sound that came from the little boy made Matt’s heart melt.   
“Bye” squeaked the boy his voice gentle and filled with happiness. He the raised his little chubby hand and gave Matt a wave as Parker headed towards the exit.   
“Bye Sylvie” yelled Charlie before skipping off after her brothers.

A knot formed in Matt’s stomach as he and Sylvie watched the trio from the centre’s entrance. Even as the three kids began disappear into the distance he could still hear the faint sound of Charlie chatting away happily.   
“What happens if we’re right?” Asked Matt pushing past the lump in his throat. Wordlessly Sylvie grasped his hand, he knew she was just as scared as he was which only increased his worry. Matt was always one to prepare for worst case scenarios and Sylvie was supposed be the optimistic one, she was normally the one person that helped him remain hopeful.   
“If things are as bad as we think they are, then they'll end up in the system” Admitted Matt in a low voice just in case any of the remaining kids around them were listening.   
“There’s some really good people out there Matt, ive met some really amazing foster parents” despite the positiveness of her words her voice shook with worry. A huge part of Matt wished he could comfort her but he couldn’t bring himself to lie.   
“There’s three of them and with how much older Parker is they’ll separate them in a heart beat, he doesn’t deserve that”. His hearty ached as he uttered the words that had been haunting his mind ever since the house fire that raised his suspicions.   
“Then we’ll take them in”. Matt felt his heart stop, he gaped after Sylvie in disbelief. After a brief silence he eventually managed to regain his composure.   
“We?” He had been contemplating applying to be a foster parent for weeks, he’d even considered talking to Sylvie but after nights of worrying he had dismissed that thought. He wanted to have a family with Sylvie more than anything but after waiting so long to be with her he didn’t want to risk scaring her off now.  
“I know you’ve been thinking about taking them in, I saw the paper work on your desk”  
“Sylvie I was going to -“   
“I get why you didn’t tell me, but I want to do this with you Matt. I love you and those kids”. Matt felt his heart bursting with relief, he trusted Sylvie he knew she wouldn’t have made that statement if she didn’t mean it.   
“Ok then, we’ll fight for them together”  
“Together”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed. The next chapter will focus more on Matt and Sylvie. 
> 
> Have a very happy day.


	15. Moving fast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A new life is quickly approaching Matt and Sylvie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry for the huge delay in posting. This definitely isn’t my best chapter. I’ve been struggling writing but I wanted to make an update to let you know I haven’t abandoned this. This chapter is almost like a very long summary.
> 
> Sorry I wasn’t very thorough with proofreading as I wanted to get this posted before I lost motivation.
> 
> I hope you enjoy.
> 
> Trigger warnings in end notes

Matt gently placed a cardboard box down on the new dining table and smiled softly to himself.  
“Last one?” Asked Sylvie as she appeared behind him and gently wrapped her arms around his waist, even without seeing her face Matt could tell that she was smiling as wide as he was.  
“Yep, now it’s time to start unpacking”,  
“I can’t believe this is happening” admitted Sylvie voicing the same thoughts racing through his head. Everything was moving so fast. Four months had passed since they decided to become foster parents and they’d wasted no time in doing everything they needed to. They’d found their new home a month into their search. It was an old property that had been on the market for a while which was why they’d been able to get it at such a low price. They’d spent a few months renovating until it was finally perfect. As soon as the house was approved by CPS it would only be a couple of weeks until they were certified foster carers. They were so close to becoming a family. Sylvie loosened her grip on Matt allowing him to turn around, he turned to her with a mischievous glint in his eyes.  
“Having second thoughts?” he teased, he knew there was no going back now. They were a team.  
“No never, this is our home now”. Matt smiled widely, their home he liked the sound of that. 

-  
“They’ve got him cornered again” laughed Sylvie as she stood beside Matt and offered him a mug of coffee. Matt accepted the warm beverage with a smile before returning his gaze to the scene in front of him.  
“Yep, poor kids never going to escape”. Parker was sat in the corner of the room with Tommy on his lap as he read a story to the rest of the children. The teen had quickly become a favourite among the younger kids and he spent his time at the centre entertaining them. Over the past few months Parker and Tommy had been regulars at the centre just like their sister. During that time Matt and Sylvie had grown even closer to the trio. Charlie had come further out of her shell and loved nothing more than talking happily to Sylvie. Even though Tommy spent most of his time glued to his older brother the toddler seemed to revel in the presence of the other children, he was becoming some what of a social butterfly.As for Parker he no longer ran away from conversation ; he’d often stop and talk to Matt. However it wasn’t lost on the firefighter that the boy would talk about anything but his home life or any personal details about himself. Parker possessed the same ability Matt had when he was younger, the ability to turn nearly every conversation onto any one but himself. Despite the teens evasiveness it was clear things were still bad at home. Some days Parker would turn up with bruises he always blamed on fights. It was those days that Tommy never left his brothers side and Charlie would retreat into herself. To Matt and Sylvie it was painfully clear the siblings were afraid of something and they were close to figuring out what it was or rather who. Charlie had let slip a few times her dislike for her mother’s boyfriend, while Parker completely refused to talk about him except when absolutely necessary . The most Matt had ever gotten out of the boy was that he was an ok guy and he was putting a roof over their heads. Unfortunately Matt and Sylvie didn’t know enough about the kids lives to get CPS involved, they’d tried but apparently what they knew wasn’t enough, even with Parker’s numerous injuries. The teen had a reputation for being reckless and getting into fights; it was obvious to Matt that it was nothing but an act. However CPS still couldn’t do anything without any further evidence. The whole situation was wearing down on Casey, he knew all to well that this situation was like a ticking time bomb. He didn’t want the kids going through the same hell he did. Sometimes he wondered what his life would have been like if someone had intervened and gotten him Christie and his mother away from their father. Maybe they could’ve been happy.

-  
“Do you ever get called to rescue cats stuck up a tree or is that just only on tv?” Asked Parker as he helped Matt out away some of the arts and craft supplies. The trio often stuck around to help tidy the centre once most of the other kids had gone. Matt was unsurprised to learn a few days ago that it was Charlie’s idea, after all the little girl loved to help. The little girl was so much alike Sylvie in character that it baffled him that the two weren’t related. Matt was grateful for them staying behind and not just because it made clearing up faster. It was the perfect opportunity for them to the talk to the children without and distractions. Actually Parker had come close to letting his guard down during his conversations with Matt while they cleared up.  
“Nope not just on TV, I’ve actually rescued a few cats over the years” laughed Matt, it wasn’t the first time he’d been asked that question and he doubted it would be the last,  
“Really?”,  
“Really in fact I’ve still got a scar on my arm from one of them, apparently it didn’t want to be rescued”. When Parker let out a laugh an overwhelming happiness filled Matt, five months ago the teen wouldn’t even come to close to him but now he was laughing beside him.  
“Ok, what about freeing someone from something strange? Have you ever had to cut someone out of a swing or free their head from a fence?”. Matt shook his head in amusement, that funny curious part of Parker reminded him so much of Andy. They were both mischievous individuals who would do anything to help those around them.  
“No to the swing but we did have to save a kid who got his head stuck in the fence on a balcony”.  
“Wow, you really do lead an interesting life” chuckled Parker as he finished packing up all the paints and brushes. The boy then stood up with the box in his hands and headed out of the room towards the cupboard at the back of the centre leaving Matt to pack up the last box of equipment. 

A few moments later Casey stood up and also headed towards the cupboard, on his way he paused outside the room was Sylvie was in. The paramedic was sorting through the books with Charlie and Tommy. Well Tommy wasn’t exact helping he was sat on a bean bag staring at the vibrant pictures in one of the many books.  
“Wow that’s a big dragon Tommy” commented Sylvie as she temporarily diverted her attention away from the task at hand.  
“Tommy likes dragons, he likes dinosaurs too. I don’t. I prefer dogs they’re fluffy” rambled Charlie cheerfully. As he watched them Matt felt his heart swelling , he never got tired of watching Sylvie interact with the children and engage them so effortlessly, she really was destined to become a mother. He took one last glance at the heartwarming scene before pulling himself away. All of the sudden a loud thump echoed through the centre. Without hesitation Matt discarded the box he was carrying and sprinted towards the source of the sound, the cupboard. 

As Matt pushed open the cupboard door he felt his heart lurch, Parker was unconscious on the floor his body convulsing violently. Matt’s first aid training quickly took over and he started the timer on his watch before dropping down next to the boy. He pushed away all the near by boxes ensuring the teen wouldn’t injure himself during his seizure. He contemplated calling for Sylvie but decided to wait until the seizure ended or until it had been more than five minutes. Matt’s heart was racing as he watched the teen, he’d never felt so useless in his life. After what felt like an eternity the seizure began to slow until finally Parker’s body stilled. The blonde glanced at his watch and felt a tiny surge of relief as he read the number, two minutes and fifty two seconds. However that knowledge did nothing to ease his worries. Carefully Matt moved Parker onto his side into the recovery position and he began talking softly to the boy.  
“It’s ok Parker, everything is going to be ok” comforted Matt as the boys eyelids flickered open and he let out a few moans.  
“Everything is going to be alright buddy, I’m right here”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> TW- mentions of child abuse and descriptions of a seizure. 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed. :)


	16. Waiting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Will Parker be ok?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi sorry for the long delay in updating again. It’s quite a short chapter sorry.   
> Hope you enjoy this chapter, any criticism welcome.
> 
> I really appreciate your support and patience it really means a lot. Thank you so much.

A ginormous weight was pressing down on Parker’s chest, he tried desperately to lift his head up but quickly found himself running out of energy. His eyes were still clamped shut as he struggled to operate his own body. When he finally gave into the exhaustion and laid still he became vaguely aware of someone calling his name. A few seconds later the world began to spin as he felt someone shaking his arm. With what little strength he had he forced himself to pry open his eyes, he winced as the harsh light filled his vision sending a sharp pain through his head. Sluggishly he blinked until a worried face came into view, Matt. He attempted to ask the man where Charlie and Tommy were ; unfortunately every attempt at speaking came out as a pained whine. Once again he tried to lift his heavy head as he tried to search for his siblings. He had barely moved his head when it violently dropped back down onto the floor sending Parker’s world plummeted into darkness. 

The next few minutes went by in a blur, well at least it felt like a few minutes to Parker. He remembered the searing pain caused by a bright light being shon in his eyes, the weird sensation of being picked up and moved somewhere and the sound of sirens blaring. He’d heard voices too , various different people talking to him but he didn’t have a clue who the voices belonged to. He didn’t even bother to open his eyes again he was simply too exhausted. However he didn’t need to open his eyes to know where he was, the strong smell of antiseptic made it brutally clear he’d ended up in the hospital. A small groan escaped his mouth. With every visit to this horrible place his life became increasingly harder. Whether it was his mother’s boyfriend’s getting even angrier or people poking around his personal life he knew nothing good could come of another trip to the hospital. Another visit would make it even harder for him to convince people things were fine at home, and they were fine. As long as he could protect Tommy and Charlie things would be ok, he could take whatever was thrown at him, what mattered was keeping his siblings safe.

-

Matt paced up and down the quiet hospital waiting room while balancing an extremely upset Tommy on his hip, as he walked he whispered soft reassurances in the boys ear. Tommy had been gripping tightly onto him ever since he’d arrived at the hospital with his sister. Matt had ridden in the ambulance along with Parker while Sylvie and Terri had followed along with the two younger siblings. Shortly after arriving at the hospital Parker was rushed into surgery after doctors discovered the seizure was caused by a bleed on his brain.   
“It’s ok Tommy Parker is going to be just fine” soothed Matt as he gently repositioned the distressed toddler, his arms had started to ache long ago but he wasn’t about to put Tommy down he knew the little boy needed him. As he continued to pace he spared a glance at Sylvie who was talking gently to Charlie, the young girl had remained quiet the entire time. It was clear that she was worried about her brother but she’d continued to maintain a brave face. Matt wondered if the little girl would let her mask fall once her mother arrived. Sadly Matt imagined that much like his own mother the woman would be too absorbed in her own feelings to offer her children comfort. In fact as time went by Matt started to wonder if she’d turn up at all. Terri had called her after Charlie had diligently recited her phone number (Matt suspected Parker was the one who taught her the number just in case of emergencies like this) but that had been nearly an hour ago and she still hadn’t arrived. They hadn’t heard anything from the doctors either. Matt kept reminding himself that no news was good news but with every second that passed the ache in his heart intensified. 

Time continued to drag on and eventually Terri had to leave, the woman had wanted to stay but needed to return to her own family. Before she left Matt had promised to ring her as soon as they got any news. It hurt to think that Terri cared more than Parker’s own mother, the woman was yet to show her face or return any of their calls. Feeling a twinge of pain in his arm Matt shifted Tommy to his other side. Despite how little the boy weighed compared to some of the people Matt had carried on calls the blonde was starting to struggle. He’d finally settled Tommy when Matt felt his heart stop as a familiar red head came into view.Will Halstead was wearing an impassive expression that made his blood run cold. Instinctively Matt held Tommy closer towards him as he waited for Will to speak. Every second that past felt more like an hour. Matt could feel his blood rushing in his ears as he silently pleaded that Parker was going to be ok.   
“Surgery was successful we removed the bleed all we can do now is wait for him to wake up”  
“Can I see him?”asked Matt barely given the Doctor chance to finish his sentence. Halstead let out a sigh as he scrubbed a hand across his face. Since Matt wasn’t Parker’s next of kin Will had already crossed a line by informing him of the boy’s current condition, allowing him to see the teen would be breaking even more rules. Casey just hoped the doctor would see how much he cared for Parker and that despite nothing being official in a way he had become the boy’s guardian. Casey could feel Will’s eyes sweeping over him and the boy in his arms, Halstead let out another sigh and then gave him a small nod. Before Matt could thank him the doctor held up his hand. Will tilted his head towards Tommy and then Charlie before locking eyes with Matt. Understanding washed over Matt, whatever Will had to say it wasn’t suitable for little ears to hear. Swiftly Casey walked over to Sylvie. He gently handed the little boy over despite Tommy’s moans of protest.  
“I’ll be back soon” he promised before heading back towards the doctor ignoring the uncomfortable feeling in his heart.   
“You can sit with him until child protective services arrives”. The doctors words felt like a punch in the gut. Matt was far from surprised he guessed the nurses reached the same conclusions about Parker’s home life he had a few months ago. Despite it being the best thing for the children's safety he knew how much it would hurt them. Casey forced himself to push past the millions of thoughts racing through his head and turned to Will and offered him a grateful smile,  
“Thanks, I owe you one”. He didn’t know what he would’ve done if he couldn’t see Parker, he needed to see for his own eyes that the teen was going to be ok.   
“No you don’t just look after those kids, they need you” replied Will softly. Lost for words Matt responded with a small nod. Will was right that the kids needed someone to look after them Matt only he would be good enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry there wasn’t any Sylvie and Matt scenes in this chapter. I promise future chapters will involve more of them as a couple.
> 
> Thank you for reading, have a great day.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.  
> Hope you enjoyed.


End file.
